Day 115-126: This was my year...

When it comes to things that frighten me, not many thing can be listed under that category. However, I am only human & I do have my flaws. That in mind, I have things that frighten me. I should say 'frighten' per say, worried is more appropriate. Anyways, the future worries the hell out of me. After the year I have had, could you blame me? Oh...I forgot for a moment you can't read minds. Well, in that case let me give you a brief list of things that made what you could call 'this year':

-Had the one person that meant the world to me take his life with his own hands.

-Fell in love for the first time.

-Moved 1000 miles away.

-Started a blog that I am seriously slacking on.

-Disobeyed.

-Broke the law.

-Met people who will forever be my friends.

-Doubted myself.

-Picked up some nasty habits.

-Picked up some wonderful habits.

-Felt heartbreak for the first time.

-Overnight went from teenager to adult.

-Read 146 books.

-Hated myself.

-Loved myself.

-Learned to slightly take a compliment.

-Grew apart from my family.

-Wondered.

-People watched.

-Drank too much tea for my own well being.

-Opened up about my life for the first time.

-Learned to trust again.

-Learned not to trust so quickly.

-I was forgotten by my Grandfather.

-Hurt myself.

-Saved myself.

I remember telling myself that this was going to be my year. I was moving to Massachusetts in a few months, meeting new people, had a good attitude & confidence. I cut everything that I told myself out after the first incident. It all went down hill from there. I know most of you are thinking 'well with an attitude like that, it's inevitable.' Bull. I kept my head high every time something negative happened but just slightly did it start to lower. I can now surely tell you all that I'm staring at my feet. The good thing about the new year is that...well...it's a new year. However, 'new year' simply does not mean that some fairy comes & taps you on the head with a magical stick & all is well. That suddenly anything that made a negative effect on your life within the last year, disappears...it follows you like it or not. What is there to convince me that this year will be any better? It could be just as bad or worse. Who knows?

I don't cry often. I think the last time I cried was when my Grandfather asked who I was the last time I saw him before he died. Besides that, I haven't cried in years. I'm not afraid of it, I just don't see any reason for it. However, when something really does upset me I'm not afraid to show it. Matter of fact, I'm crying right now. No self pity, so don't try to pull that crap. My blog might I remind you.

Usually my family & I go to Wisconsin to our other house for snowmobiling & such for the new year. I had to stay home this year due to homework assignments. I'm alone for new years. So, when midnight rolls around, I'm not going to be home, I'm not going to be partying or cheering to the new year; I will be laying beside my Grandfather's grave with Kevin's urn at my side watching the stars. THAT is how I'm welcoming the new year.

Day 113-114: Popsicle legs

This entry is going to be beyond random, I can promise you.

I have weird dreams. When I do, I always tell my friends back in MA about them since they seem to get a kick out of it usually. Some of my dreams consist of things like Massachusetts in a bikini, Alaska in a shark's mouth, Colorado as Tarzan & myself as Jane (trust me it's not ass odd as it sounds).

Anywho, I had a dream last night. I had a dream that I was snowboarding with Colorado in what seemed to be Hawaii but with snow. I took a turn that made me lose Colorado but had me ending up in Narnia. I took off my board & walked barefoot through the forest but when I stepped on a stick, a herd of white bunnies (not rabbits, there is a huge difference) ran to my feet & starting biting at them. I tried to push them away but they just kept nibbling. So I ran but they ran too. I figured there was no use, so I just sat on a stump & let them gnaw. I looked up at the woods & guess who caught my eye? No not Colorado, I have no idea where he is. It was Alaska. He was standing there in a top hat, with a circus man mustache, a batch of carrots & smirk on his face. He was the ringleader of these bunnies. I looked at him, pointed & said 'YOU!'. He then made some weird 'yip tip' type noise & his bunnies ceased. I looked down at my feet to see nothing but two Popsicle sticks taking their place. Then when I went to go say a remark to Alaska, he mouthed the words 'yum yum' in slow motion. That's when I heard the faint sound of little feet in a large quantity coming towards me. By my side was a glass of water of which I have NO IDEA where it came from but it was the typical thing you say when a herd was heading your way. I looked back up at Alaska as he was twirling his mustache & snickering to himself. Within a few seconds a herd of beavers came nibbling at my feet. Then I woke up.

That's all my entry will be about for today.

<--If I were to draw you a beaver, like I did for Alaska, this is what if would look like.

Day 108-112: Judgement

Judgement is the reason why this world is eternally (pardon my French) fucked up. I hate swearing, I really do but I use it when necessary. Well...a lot more than I should lately; you could ask Alaska, he's always gives me 'the look' when I swear. Anyways, fucked up is what the world is, but I refuse to be one to make it more fucked up than it already is.

When I become a mother...I'm sorry, IF I become a mother...I will never judge my kids how my mother judges me. What exactly is 'judgement', you ask? Well, let me clarify for you what 'judgment' is...

judg·ment [juhj-muhnt]

–noun

1.

an act or instance of judging.

There you go. Now you know what 'judgement' really mean. 'Lisa's Mother' should be under that description also. She thinks threatening her daughter with not paying for college if I don't 'knock off all the freakish behavior' such as piercings, dreading hair & CONSIDERING tattoos. Seriously? Last time I checked those were just ways for a person to define themselves. In all honesty, why do people care so much if it's not hurting anyone? If it's doing no one harm & NO ONE is getting effected by it; who the hell cares?

My family is broken. They like to pretend like we are 'okay' but we aren't. I still haven't figured out a way to tell my Mother that i'm not coming back home when i'm done with college. She has it set in her mind that when i'm done with college, everything will be the same just now I have a college education. Bull. That's not how life works & it's kind of sad that she hasn't figured it out.

I won't even get started on my sisters & their judgement. This entry would be probably a novel if I were to do so.

On the sunny side...my Polaroid film came in the mail and now I must go make Christmas cards.

Day 97-107: It's going to be worth it

It's been a while, yet again.

I'm back home in Chicago due to a couple of deaths. One of which was my Grandpa that I mention in my previous entry. I found this out on the day I took my first trip to NYC. I'm not going to talk much about him since I have nothing more to say except that the day of his funeral I didn't shed a tear. These are the types of things that show myself that I'm not like most people. While attending the funeral everyone was sad, as usual. I however, saw everything was created because of his existence. 8 children, 26 grandchildren & 9 great grand children. Those are just people. I won't even get into how many memories the man has made for us.

Lets talk about NYC, shall we? Nothing like Chicago, by any means. I don't like it there. At least not this time. I felt like a sardine in a can. For a big city, everything was crammed & ignorant. There was a ton of beauty that came along with it. The city really spiked a mass amount of respect for the fashion scene.

Now, shall we chat about school? I think we may. I'm missing a crap load of work that I will have to make up when I head back to Massachusetts. Also, I miss my friends back there. Mainly Alaska, Maine, Massachusetts & Colorado since they are the ones I mostly hang out with. Also, I might add that I've made a new friend a while ago. She's going by the name of North Carolina. She's blunt & straight forward but very kind hearted. Somewhat like me just a little more simple. I miss her very much too.

I've come to realize that life is not suitable for me. I can try & explain myself to people, try & get them to see who I am but no one seems to relate. I've said it once & I'll say it again; I have a complicated mind but live it as simply as I can. I let people know what I want them to know about me.

It's snowing here & I couldn't love it anymore than I already do. There is something that I love when it snows. Everything is so peaceful & innocent. Winter I hate as a time but love as a season.

'I'm not telling you it's going to be easy. I'm telling you it's going to be worth it.'

Day 84-96: Hello & Good-bye.

It's been a while, I know.

While I Was Out:
----------------------
-Went home to Chicago.
-Finished a painting.
-Met someone new to the world.
-Said good-bye to someone familiar to this world.
-Cried.
-Found out what I'm truly made of.

For the most part, that ^^ is what happened while I was gone.

My Grandpa showed me what effect being away truly has on a person. This is the first Thanksgiving that he wasn't at. No, he's not dead. He was just in the hospital. However, the next day he did come home. I stood over my Mom as she sat next to him & held his hand. She asked him if he was okay & he replied with a 'no'. For my whole 20 years of knowing the man, I never saw him cry; until that day. He's the type of man that introduced me to the Boogeyman (or what he liked to call the 'Boogerman'), habanero peppers & has way too much southern ignorance to share with the world but as he shed a tear from his 80 year old eyes, he wiped it away as quick as his bruised, cancer filled arms would let him.

It was my turn to talk to my Grandpa. Mind you, this was the day before I left to go back to Massachusetts. I sat next to him & held his hand. He looked at me puzzled & I said 'Hi Grandpa.' He replied back with a 'Who's you?'. There were about 5 of us in the room at the time & he seemed to remember everyone one, but me. He talked to me like a friend rather than his grand-daughter. I'm nothing but a memory for him now. I'm his 'friend', not a grandchild. I talked to him about applesauce mostly. Sooner than I thought dinner was done & my mom called us to come eat. I told him that 'I'll be right back, I'm going to eat'. He said 'okay, that's fine. Hurry back.' Sadly, when I finished, he was already asleep. That was the last time I was probably going to see/ talk to that man & it was about god-damn applesauce...I guess I get my 'uniqueness' from him. He WOULD be one to pick smashed fruit as a subject to be the last thing to talk about. He kept me up thinking late one night to come to the realization that soon I will not have someone to call 'Grandpa'. He's been the only grandpa I have ever had & soon HE won't even be there.

Living here is getting a hold of me. I'm liking it less & less, sadly. I'm tired of having emotional whiplash every time I wake up. I'm even more so tired of posting such melancholy blogs. Jebus...

On a lighter note. England is no longer going to Hallmark & we miss him. YES ENGLAND, this is directed towards you! We miss your British charm you gave the school but we are pissed you didn't say good-bye.

Also, Colorado cut his hair...I loved his long hair. Yes, LOVED; past-tense. It is no more...


<--Harley & I.

<---Harley & his Dad.

Day 84: The world welcomes a new one.

I'm counting down the days until I get home for a few reasons.

1. I miss my friends & family.

....

Well, I guess there is only one. BUT its a legit reason nonetheless. I'm also very excited to meet a new little person. Bruno had a baby yesterday. Well, his woman friend did. I don't think boys can have babies yet. Technology isn't that far advance, I promise you. For some reasons, I always get thinking way to in depth about things. For this case, I got thinking how I've known Bruno for only 1 1/2 years & when I met him he never had sex. It's not creepy that I mention it because I remember specically him & I got into a heart to heart conversation when I was back home in Chicago & we just spilled everything to each other. That being one of the topics of discussion. He also, called me the day he had sex...I got some good friends, let me tell ya. They tell me EVERYTHING. Like I give a damn but I'm flattered.

Besides the point, we now have a new little member. His name is Harley James. He might be just another baby to the world, but he is Bruno's baby. This baby will define Bruno most definatly & show him how big of a man he really is. I can't say how proud of him I am. It takes a huge person to take on their consiquiences for thier actions. Most people just run believe it or not.

Anyways, I also woke up & had some in sight hit me. This is what I figured out about life:

Not to be pissed about the small things or choices people make. If it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be. What they choose is their...well...choice, not mine. Everything will fall into place with do time.

'Maybe it's time to change and leave it all behind. I've never been one to walk alone; I've always been scared to try. So, why does it feel so wrong to reach for something more? To want to live a better life, what am I waiting for? Because nothing stays the same. Maybe it's time to change.'

I love this boy already.

Day 77-83: I'm not diggin' this.

I hate not posting. I feel like everything I ever said about making sure I post everyday is a big hardy lie. Most of you (except for the few Hallmark kids that read my blog) have no idea how hard this school is. Here is how it usually goes:

1.Wake up (if I sleep that night due to insomnia) at 6am only to find my other room mate in the bathroom before me, using all the hot water. Wait till said water is nuked & then shower at 6:45am.

2.Get ready. Which I always seem to rush since we...

3.Leave at 7:30am. Though school doesn't start until 8am & we live 2 miles away from it.

4.Classes till 12pm. Which include assignment after assignment that coincidentally all end up being due the SAME DAY of next week. Usually Tuesdays.

5. Lunch until 1pm.

6. Classes until 5pm. UNLESS I am night manger until 9pm.

7. Go home to usually an empty house.

8. Sit in my room until whenever.

9. (If I'm feeling saucy) go for a run.

10. Sleep (if any).

There are 10...yes only TEN steps to a 24 hour day. This is ridiculous. I should be having fun, living it up and being with my friends. Chea...hardly seem friendly if you ask me. People here are so strange. I don't mean strange as in 'i don't want to be around you because you give me the heebie-jeebies'. I mean how they are to each other I suppose. It's way too hard to explain.

I miss my family & the people that understand me for who I am. They are used to me & how I am as a person. No one here seems to get it.

The last week has been really rough. These are the kind of days that I can't stand. I'm usually a very optimist person but lately, I don't know if it's worth the effort anymore.

Day 74-77: The deed is done...

So I did what every college kid does at least once in their college life experience...I got hammered.

Yes, shame on me for drinking at college. No, seriously, shame on me. I never was a drinker nor do I want to become an avid one. I've only been drunk a totally of 3 times in my underaged life time. It also has been a while since I have drank & with all the stuff that I've been through this year & how it recently started to eat at me, I thought 'what the hell, why not?' At that point a decided to 'party hardy' for the first time in my college life.

Hell if I remember what happened last night. It's scary waking up & not knowing what you did a night post (that means the night before). From what Maine made it out to seem, I was an obnoxious moron but I think she may have over exaggerated. Everyone else said that I was a blast & super funny which is much more believable in my case. Regardless of what everyone thought, I did something that was absolutely stupid on my half. 13 shots, 2 glasses of wine & 1 beer later:


I told Colorado I liked him.


Point blank, flat out told him. I mean, it was inevitable. I would have told him eventually, I just wish my stupid mouth could have waited for a more private time rather than the moment where my kitchen was chalk full of our friends. I can't help it, I'm an open person sober but a VERY open person when intoxicated. Pretty sure I said something about how 'No Shave November isn't doing me any justice'. Anyways, I figure everything happens for a reason & what's done is done; life goes on. I'm pretty sure he doesn't feel that same about me anyways, which is okay but upsets me a little since I dig him a lot. Then again...who doesn't in our school. I'd drop dead in awe if I caught his eye just a slight bit more than any other chick that thinks he's fly. That's his decision, however. All I can do is be myself & take what's thrown at me, let it be good or bad.

Hangovers suck by the way.

Also, here is an interpretation I did of my teacher during studio time. Minus a smile.



He also has a copy on his office door.

Day 60-74: THE BIG SURPRISE!

This whole 'one post a day' nonsense is...well...nonsense. I don't mean to neglect my blog, it's just that this schooling stuff is more intense than I thought. We also have a Phase I portfolio due on Monday & I so far have one 4 of the 10 photographs we need. So, yet again, I will tell you roughly what went down since I last posted.

We got a million projects that were due first thing on Monday morning which is partially why I haven't been posting lately. That's besides the point however. On Friday my class was scheduled to go to NYC for a photography convention. I decided that going home to surprise my family & friends would be much more logical since I'm from the city of Chicago & cities do anything but thrill me. So, I hopped on a plane & headed home. This is how I surprised everyone & their reactions:

Ashley: She picked me up from the airport, so she knew I was coming home for a good 2 weeks before hand. Even though she picked me up, her reaction was (what I would guess) the same as if she did not know I was homeward bound. She hugged me & cried. We did so in a lane that wasn't meant for parking but chose to park there anyways.

Emma: As we drove back to my place, I told her to go through the front door & I would go through the front. As she went into the front & shot the breeze with Emily in the bathroom while she was doing her hair. I crept up from behind Ashley & Emma peaked her head over to meet mine. She stared at me for a while in what seemed to be disbelief. She then let out her 'Emma Screech' (which is in the slightest way very manly) & ran to give me a hug.

Kelly: Emma's reaction lead to Kelly coming out of my parents' bedroom to see what all the commotion was about. She found me standing in the hallway hugging Emma, in which she joined the hallway hug fest. After that she thought it was s good idea to call my mom to tell her that the 'package' came. So she did. She wanted to see the said 'package' so we went to her work to do so.

Mom: I hid in the trunk where I jumped out at her when she opened it. I don't know why but seeing my mom that happy made me extremely happy. She cried & hugged me for a good 10 mins. Unfortunately, I had more people to surprise, like Grace. So, we left & headed to the mall where she works.

Grace: Her reaction was the best! I'm just going to start off saying that. The way I surprised her is I Had Emily go tell her to come by a rack of clothes as if someone did something to it. When she came over I ruffled through the leather jackets (don't ask me why I chose leather jackets to hide in) & jumped out at her. Her reaction was a mast amount of flailing arms & a screech that a God himself would cringe at. After the murderous into, she threw her arms around me & cried. Next up was Amy.

Amy: Just like Grace, Amy was at work. Simply enough, I hid behind some games & she walked behind where I jumped out at her. She, like everyone else, cried. I don't know why everyone was crying. It's only been a couple months since they have seen me last. But I do think they aren't used to the whole 'me not being around' idea yet. At least they have each other, I have no one out here besides a few people like Alaska, Massachusetts, Maine & Colorado.

Dad: On the way back to our house. My Dad almost t-boned us. So, that's pretty much how that went down. Though I think he was happy to see me since he whipped around the car so our windows met & asked me what I was doing here.

The rest of the weekend flew by so damn fast. Before I knew it, it was Sunday & I had to head back to my house. When I got back home, I wasn't in the best mood. It was a mix of things that had me upset & sadly I'm still kind of feeling down but I know that come Thanksgiving I'll see them again. I have NO idea what I'm going to do from January-June when I'm not going to see them at all.

Day 58-59: 3 more days

Thoughts run through my mind more than a breath. I can usually read people like a book but there is only one person who I can't quite figure out. In all honesty it's annoying me like none other.

There is a lot of things people don't know about me. Here are a few that might surprise a few of you:

My mind is complicated & I don't expect anyone to 'get' me.

I wanted to study medicine before I decided to study art instead.

I hate being scared.

The last time I slept for more than 8 hours was 3 months ago.

I have never been in love.

I only bake when I'm upset.

I only paint when i'm aggravated.

90% of the time i'm not happy but I put on a happy face.

Those aren't the most important things about me but they are the ones that came to my mind right away.

These autumn days are getting more intense. The air is chilled & the trees are more colorful than a box of Crayons. I'm not going to lie, most of these days I feel like crap. Not the 'I've got the sniffles' kind of crap, I mean legit crap. I miss Kevin so much & most the days I feel like i'm the dead one rather than him. It's blunt, I know but it's how I feel & unlike watching my words like I did with the Hallmark graduates, this is a subject they can't complain about.

3 more days & the surprise will be relieved.

Also, Shaun White has awesome hair. If you don't believe me, take a look see for yourself...he also has his shirt off.

<---No, I didn't stalk him...

Day 51-57: All that's in between

You all probably hate me since I haven't updated in a week. Don't hate. Life is too short to hate. I have just been super busy with school & I promise I will from here on update daily.

Usually, I would put the day & what I did on said day but in all honesty, I have lost such track of everything. My mind is in some state that it hasn't been in a while. It's hard to explain with out sounding pitiful upon myself, so i'm not going to go into depth of it.

I will however, tell you what happened today & yesterday.

Yesterday: For some God foreboding reason I made the suggestion that we go see 'Paranormal Activity 2'. So, we did. To my surprise, it wasn't as scary as the other one, just loud, really loud. Though it did scare Massachusetts & I enough to make the decision for him to sleep over. After the movie however we went back to Colorado's where they thought it would be a funny idea to scare people. We watched a Disney movie (Beauty & the Beast to be exact) to try & rid the bad thoughts of ghosts & such from our minds. All in all, we all fell asleep. I woke up laying on Colorado's shoulder. How that kid can sleep sitting straight up is beyond me. But, kudos to him for having such mad skills. At 2am, Dana & I left Colorado's & went home to sleep.

Today: For the first time this whole time I have lived here, I woke up before noon on a weekend. For a reason of course. If any other reason, my butt would still be sleeping in my humble bungalow. Mostly all of us went to our friend's breast cancer walk. It was super fun. England was there on the hunt for a good picture. Swear to God, his accent is amazing. I know he is probably reading this & I was going to put something that he said today in here that made me laugh, but I can't remember for the life of me. So, sorry England!

Later tonight Virgina, Maine & I are making dinner & sippin' on some fine wine like the class Americans we like to present ourselves as...yeah right.

Also, I finally got some photographs up from school on my Flickr. So, go check it out since i'm too lazy to upload every single one to my blog.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/lisamarieshaver/sets/72157625206318786/

Day 48-50:Wompus

I'm starting to lose track of the days.

Day 48, Friday, 15th: Thank God it was Friday. I'm not being modest when I say that. This week sucked but I guess it could have been worse. All though after school was probably one of the most enjoyable ones I have had since I left Chicago. It was slightly chilled out & super windy. Mostly everyone was complaining that it was super cold but I LOVED it. Perfect autumn weather. When I got home from school, I was alone in the house, which is totally fine by me. I went in my room & threw all 3 of my windows wide opened.

Do you ever get those days where you just get the biggest sweet tooth & seriously consider eating a bag of sugar? No? Well, I do. That said, I went to this bakery down the street called '2nd Street Bakery'. I can't put into words how ridiculously great that place is. The staff was super friendly & the sweets, ugh don't even get my started. I got a pumpkin cheesecake tart, a lemon square that was the size of my hand & a chai tea. I went home & sat on my porch sippin on said tea eating the hell out of the sugared goods.

That night I went over to Massachusetts' & Canada's to have dinner with them. I had Massachusetts try vegetarian meat which he really enjoyed. I think I may have converted him. After dinner, we went & saw the movie 'My Soul to Take'. It was rather good & there were no obnoxious people in the theater, which is always a good thing.

Day 49, Saturday, 16th: Slept in till 1:30pm. Jebus. Regardless, Massachusetts & I went to a pumpkin patch out by his house. OH MY HELL. I can't stress you enough how much I LOVE pumpkin patches. I of course bought a pumpkin the size of a house. We don't have pumpkins nearly close to comparison to these bad boys. They also had farm animals I found out after nearly dying from a heart attack when a cow moo'd. They had a goat, a cow, chickens, ducks & this pig names Ms. Truffles. That name seems scary accurate for that pig. That pig was WOMPUS! She was the sweetest thing on this green Earth though. I always thought pigs were soft but they aren't. They feel like a bunch of cat whiskers on a pig body. Weird...

Anyways, after the pumpkin patch, we went to his house so I could see his epic barn & meet his family. Swear to God, the kid is the long lost son of a Kennedy or something. My house in Chicago is total weak sauce compared to his. His family is SUPER nice too. His Mom & brother Alex are my favorite so far. His Mom reminded me of my Mom so much, maybe that's why I took a liking to her right away. His brother Alex is fun, I can tell. He's also got some awesome hair.

After meeting his family, Colorado asked us to go candle pin bowling...don't know what it is? Well, neither did I! So, I Googled, like always. I suggest you do it too. We also got to meet Colorado's friend from, well, Colorado. She's a total sweetheart.

After bowling, we went to Colorado's & watched the first 'Pirates of the Caribbean' movie where I ate my first BIG Cheez-It (Google it) & fell asleep on the floor under everyone's legs. Surprisingly, comfy might I add.

Day 50, Sunday, 17th: Today is still young, so I might add more into this entry later tonight now that I finally figured out how to edit entries but mind you I will always put 'EDIT' at the bottom if I add/change anything. So, for all you people who thought I edited my entries as of before Friday, you were wrong. Time to accept it.

Anyways, I have to go help Massachusetts & Alaska with a shoot & then I got me a pumpkin to carve.

Day 47:Welcome to Colorful Colorado

This week...it's something else, let me tell ya.

We had studio for the first time & like this whole week, I wasn't feeling too hot. I got super aggravated & was annoyed beyond all belief. On the bright side, I did get some good photographs.

Later that day I found out for some damn reason, none of my photos were being saved to my hard drive but instead on the computers I imported them on. Tomorrow will consist of me searching for said computers to try & get all my photos back before they get deleted.

Colorado made my day some what enjoyable. I don't think he reads my blogs so, I guess confessing this on here is the safest route. I'm starting to dig him. I joke with Maine & whenever I ask her if she thinks he likes me she says 'shut up, he totally likes you' so, I asked her if saying 'hey, I think you're pretty fly. Do you dig me too?' was a good way to ask him. Her response was a bust out of laughter, which made me laugh. I thought nothing more of it. Anyways, I can't tell if he likes me too or not. He seems like an all around decent human being who is just kind to everyone. Regardless however, I still 'think he's pretty fly'. God, I sound like a 17 year old school girl.

Yesterday, he & I went for a walk after I took a 4 hour power nap from 5-9:30pm. We walked & talked for a good hour where I, for the first time told someone who I barley even know, about what happened to Kevin. I won't even tell my readers about what happened to him, let alone a guy I have only know for a good month. I guess have trust in him. I spilled my guts like none other & he just listened. I will admit that I almost cried a few times but timed it ever so well to make it sound like I was out of breath from walking up a huge flight of stairs we found leading to a church. I don't think he caught on, which was good. I think he kind of trusts me too since when I asked him if anything had happened to him lately that was sort of melancholy; he told me. I'm of course not going to say what he told me but it showed me that he trusts me, I would think.

Maine & I went grocery shopping where I stumbled upon vegetarian bologna. Just because it says vegetarian on the label, don't automatically assume it's going to taste nasty because it didn't! If my room mates liked bologna (fat chance of that), I could have probably swapped them out & they wouldn't have told the difference. Mind you why I'm rather thrilled about finding said vegetarian friendly bologna is because I haven't had a fried bologna sandwich since I was 12. I think 13 years is a long time not to eat such an awesome thing. Anyways, I just ate one & I can now sleep a happy women.

Correction: Don't ask me why I thought it was 13 years. I guess running on 1 1/2 days of no sleep tends to screw with the part of your brain that does math...now if only I had that part to begin with..

8 years; not 13.

Thanks anonymous reader.

Day 41-46: These are the days

I know, I know I sounds like a broken record. Again, I'm sorry for not keeping up with my daily posts. In all fairness however, I have a legit reason; my internet has been out for most the time. Anyways, I'll tell you what happened the last few days.

Day 41, Friday, 8th: We had critique. I was excited since I thought for sure my photos would make it up on critique BUT for some reason my photographs didn't get into the system (computer server) & never got 'turned in'. Bullshit. My school is EXTREMELY strict about that kind of stuff. So, even if I were to go talk to a teacher about it, they wouldn't care. I love the teachers but man, oh man are they strict. I guess it will pay off in the long run though since the industry doesn't care either.

Day 42, Saturday, 9th: Oh jeez, hell if I remember back this far.....................OH! So, I went to Maine with Maine (odd to type) & got to touch the ocean for the SECOND time. I must say I love Maine (the state but also my room mate) oceans more than Rhode Island oceans even though they are probably...the same ocean. Anyways, the houses there are to DIE for. They are so architecturally built in such an odd manner. All the houses are huge & triangular in a sort. Very gorgeous though. One day I will have a house on the ocean but like a victorian house, not a trianglular one; triangles freak me out. I also got to go to an apple orcherd to help Maine with a photoshoot with a 2 month old. Apple+2 month olds+photography a pleasent Lisa. Enough said.

Day 43, Sunday, 10th: I neglected to mention that I spent a good majority of the weekend with Colorado. Sunday, I spent the whole day with him. He took a picture of my eyes for some reason, he said that he likes the color of them. I don't know, I don't think they are anything special. We then went to his house & just bummed around. It doesn't sound like much fun but I assure you it was.

Day 44, Monday, 11th: No school! Blah, I would have much rather been in school. I woke up at 10am to music so it's not like I could sleep in. I then laid in my room until the afternoon doing nothing, literally dying of boredom. I forget what else I did that day besides dealing with ignorance & a giant ego that could take out a small village.

Day 45, Tuesday, 12th: Oh God. You all know how much I HATE lectures...well, today was the best day ever. LECURE ALL DAY LONG!! (hope you caught that slight hint of sarcasm). Besides the suckish day at school; we got out first grade sheet. I got $850 out of $1,000. Which is pretty good for my first assignment I would guess. All I'm going to say is I can't STAND when people gloat.

Day 46, Wednesday, 13th: It's official. My dimple piercings are no more. So sad that they lived sucha short life. I accidentally pulled them out when I went long boarding with Colorado. Oh well, it just wasn't meant to be...for now. Today, was a not so good day. Ever wake up & just know that it's going to be a rough one? Yeah, well that was today. I got a hug from Colorado though when I told him that I was having a bad day, so that made me smile at least. England is currently trying to show me what an American speaks like. For some God awful reason he thinks all Americans sound like inbred hicks...

Day 39-40:Puddle jumpin'

Again, I apologize for not writing last night. In all honesty, I was way to tired.

Yesterday, was an awesome day for the most part. The only crappy things that happened was dipping my coat in perogie oil & getting attitude from a very pissy mom at the market. Those were weak sauce compared to the little boy who told me I had a lot of holes in my pants & when I replied with 'someone pushed me down when I was playing with them & he replied with 'well, that was mean'. That little boy made me realize how much I love innocence.

I realized how much I love Grace & how she is a very likable person. I went for a 'run' last night with Colorado so Maine, Massachusetts & Alaska stayed behind. They video chatted with Grace while I was gone. They all seem super excited about meeting her...even Alaska...that kid shows barley any emotion besides happy nervousness. Well, anyways, we went for a run which lead to some exploring, swinging & puddle jumpin'. That kid is so much fun. I feel like I can be myself around him & not worry about him judging. After he walked me home, explained why we were soaking wet & he said his 'good-byes'; I laid on my kitchen floor like a starfish & swayed. I won't say why I had my little hissy fit but I promise you my kitchen floor is happy I did, it's spotless.

Today was a good day too. I didn't have to wake up till 11am since we had a field trip to Northampton. I spent the day with Alaska & Massachusetts which was mostly shopping...we finished our shoot within a hour. I also convince Massachusetts to get his nose pierced. While he was getting said piercings, Alaska & I got into probably the closest thing to a deep conversation that we will ever come into ground of. I like talking to him though. He's not afraid to say what's on his mind if the moment comes up.

This entry is early, I know but i'm pretty sure nothing excited is going to happen else wise.

Day 38: I live in a house of death

Interesting day.

Lectures...I should start sitting next to people who are well caffeinated instead of Alaska who makes me sleep just looking at him. It was like a train wreck of overly tired college kids in our row. I was so tired, that I woke up not knowing where I was & almost yelled at Alaska to get out of my room.

<---Result.

During break, however, I did find out that England read my blogs. I'm pretty sure I blushed like a tomato. That boy can talk to me for hours about a subject I really don't give a rat's ass about & I'd be okay with it. You rock England!

I only had one class today in the afternoon (hell to the yeah) which meant I stayed home for 3 hours, which also meant...I got bored...fast. So, I ripped up some newspaper & made the print into nail polish. BOOYAH, for creativity! Later in the afternoon, I started knitting Colorado's hat. 15 mins went by when I heard a huge 'BANG'. That's when I finished my stitch (never leave a row, in knitting, unfinished because you will let whatever is trying to kill you, kill you if you drop a stitch) & booked it like a bat out of hell with flailing arms to my closet. With the neighbors I've got, I thought someone shot at my window. I then grew a pair & looked out my window. There, wobbly like a Weeble (Google it) walked a bird. A damn bird. That's the bang I heard. with that thought, the bird fell off the roof & left nothing but a trickle of detached feathers to follow...my house is death proned, I swear.

We had a perogie night for dinner, where I made some not so diabetic friendly bars for dessert that Florida just absolutely loved. Colorado & his room mates had their first perogies too. Must say, I've done a lot of perogie converting since I've been here. I would love to see how they would be at Perogie Fest. I also tried to teach them how to knit...the picked it up rather fast but I don't think I made a great teacher. Anyways, him, his room mates & I went to their house & watched 'The Karate Kid'. It was very fun but their house still creeps me the hell out.

Also, I laid in cupcakes today...twice. Thank you Colorado.

Day 35-37: All that's in between

Don't get your panties in a bunch. I didn't delete my blog nor did I stop writing.

The only reason I didn't post for a good 3 days was because I had nothing to say. Well, I did but for the sake of being harassed, I didn't post. Problem solved though. Anyone who gave me so much as a 'you're ignorant'; I blocked them. Praise the lord for the 'block button'!

For the recent delay of posts, I will tell you what happened over the last few days.

Day 35: Saturday. I was still kinda peeved about ex-Hallmarkers adding me on FB just to say how much I suck & how 'disrespectful' I am. All was well though when I went to my first rodeo. Yes, this city gal went to a rodeo. On the way Arkansas, Maine & I found a herd of cows which always seems to excited me, so I made them stop & we pet the hell out of them...tried to at least. But we got a picture!

I must say, I am rather fond of cowboys. I like their very toned cowboy butts in the tight Levi's. It just does things to me, I swear.

To add to the awesome night that was already in progress, we got moved down to 6th row rather than 3rd in the balcony.

Day 36: Sunday. Cleaned my room most of the say & I honestly felt SO much better with a clutter free room. If you're ever aggravated, I suggest you take it out on your room. CLEAN THE HELL OUT OF IT! You will fell SO much better, I promise. The rest of the day I spent with Maine which included eating breakfast for dinner, baking cookies/truffles & watching 'The Backup Plan'. I also went for my first run since I got here yesterday. I ran by Colorado's house in which I stopped by & said my hellos. He gave me a tour of his house...man oh man am I jealous. In case he is reading this, I'M JEALOUS! But I think he got that when I told him a good 15 times on Sunday. Anyways, I finished my run downhill...let me tell ya, Massachusetts is one hella scary place to run alone...near Halloween time. Talk about heebie jeebies.

Day 37: Monday. School dragged! It just wasn't a good day today since I woke up a pessimist since today marks 8 months of Kevin's absence. For the sake of everyone though, I kept a happy face on. I gave Massachusetts, Arkansas, Virgina, Louisiana & Colorado some of my truffles I made yesterday; they all seemed to love them. Maine & I also went to Colorado's for a movie night where I found out that he used to be up in Wisconsin where i'm from. Not, from from, but have a lake house at. This just proved me how small the world really is. It seriously blew my mind so what more could I have done but gone home & tell my mom! Funny as it is, he did the same. Cute guy, that Colorado is.

These are the days that could make me or break me. I just wish I was the person I was 8 months ago. The carefree, friendly, fun to be around girl but she's on vacation at the moment. Hopefully she will be back soon. 8 months is a rather good & long vacation, I think it's time she comes home.

<--last picture he took of me.

Day 34: Go ahead, read my blog.

I have nothing to say.

Day 33: Whales

So, I can't help but feel that i'm more hated than liked in this stupid place.

If I get so much as one more nasty comment about my blog...I will say nothing because you know what? It's MY blog & i'm entitled to MY opinion. If YOU don't like it then YOU don't need to read it. Understand? I don't think I can generically clarify that any more.

Today wasn't one of my best. I'm not in a bad mood, I just did not like how today was. Let's start off with school. It dragged. Not my teacher's fault though, I just was super tired. During my last class I had to take my wrist piercing out since the night before I snagged it on a pillow which caused it to rip a tad. So, I took it out today & now a piece of bloody flesh is protruding from it. Sexy, I know.

Maine, Massachusetts & I were all piled in my room when all my sisters & Grace went on webcam. My mom thinks I have my dimples pierced & she refuses to put money in my bank account since I 'disobeyed her'. Seriously? Well, after my mom threw her hissy fit, we all went to Virginia & Louisiana's house where we helped Virginia with one of his photographs. I don't get how helping someone could make me feel so crappy about myself. I saw his photograph he took & LOVED it. I didn't love how crappy it made me feel about my own photography though. I know, I know, I shouldn't compare myself to others because I won't get anywhere in life, blah, blah freakin' blah...we are only human.

Massachusetts made a good point. He said that I shouldn't limit myself on my blog. He said I shouldn't hold back just because some people that chose to read it, don't like it. I think we all know the solution to this is.

Anyways, I was going to spend a good portion of this blog to vent about someone that kind of erked me, but I realized it's not worth it. I'm not saying they aren't worth it, i'm saying IT isn't worth it, the whole situation that is. All i'm going to say is that I LIKED you, you idiot. LIKED, past tense. Also, that you're very confusing & I don't know if I should like someone who gives me that much mental whiplash. I'm not going to say 'your loss' because I honestly think i'm nothing special but neither are you.

I ate nearly a whole box of Whales tonight. What are Whales, you ask? Whales are just like Goldfish crackers but generic. The are oddly enough much better than Goldfish & look nothing like whales at all, more like a rabbit that was merked & is now classified as road kill. However, they do not taste like it so don't be fooled by it's morbid shape.

David Turner (one of my teachers) made me smile today before all this shizz happened. He reads my Facebook. I'm flattered.

<---Whales Crackers.

<---David Turner.

Day 32: Drug dealin' Granny

Photography school = public speaking...apparently.

Today didn't start off so well. I woke up 'late' (remember that). I usually get up at 5am but woke up at 6:45am instead. Canada had to pick us up since Maine had observation in the morning. I thought we weren't going to make it to school in time but to my & Canada's surprise, we didn't have to be at school until 1pm...freakin yay.

I got, I guess you can call it 'trouble', in class today since I was showing Canada photographs I took of her earlier today that were a bit ridiculous & she laughed so bluntly out loud that our teacher, Gabe, thought we were on Facebook & instantly called us out on it since he was 'teaching' (I already knew what to do).

Weird how I only had two classes today.

My last class is the class where I had to give a speech...lord help us all. I honestly don't mind talking in front of people. I honestly don't even feel like i'm talking rather than someone else is. At least our speeches were about ourselves & not about the history of photograph. The teacher said I did well & that I was humorous (bull) when I gave speeches. I guess that's why people were laughing. Hm. But I tend to whisper at the end of sentences. That was just because of my cold but I imagined how ridiculous that must have sounded.

The rest of the day is a haze for the most part. Maine, Pennsylvania, Arkansas & I watched 'Glee' & went over to Virginia's house to help him with his project that included a very shady looking down stairs & a stair well that look like Jews hid in during Holocaust. I modeled for him too which gave me giggles like crazy but he told me just to think of something frightening...so I thought of...well, I won't say who in case they read this. I don't want to hurt feelings.

The day ended with Maine & I coming home to our neighbors down stairs yelling at each other. It was the mom & son. Apparently, the mom, mind you she is at least 65+ years, is a drug runner. Out of the whole damn town we get all sides top-bottom left-right of, how should I put this...very colorful characters.

Day 31: Hello there handsome

Listening to people talk about something I am already educated about is rather annoying. It's not just a little chat session either, let's try 4 hour lecture...

I have a crush. As high school as that sounds, there is no better way to say it. No one knows who it is. Except Maine. She knows all. Anyways, I go to school with him (no shit) & I talk to him somewhat. I don't know, ever since February my trust for people has gone down the shitter. All I can hope for is that I get to know him better & he likes me back (fat chance of that).

We didn't do much in school today. Just got lectured, like I said before & we also 'learned' motion photography. We also played some type of game about lines? I don't know, sure beats being lectured though. Alaska was freakin out about being called up on stage but I got called instead. No big deal, I like being in front of people, as hard as that might be to believe.

It rained today (finally!!) but the timing couldn't be any more bitter sweet. I've been dying for rain but it just so happened to be the day I had a shoot. Fooey.

Red Sox vs. White Sox at home field. Maine keeps laughing at my random 'wooooooh's & cusses. I don't think she is any comparison to me though.

It's also been 1 month since I've hugged my mom.

Day 30: 'Come on in, we're open!'

So, as much as I don't like Sundays, this one was actually bearable.

I woke up to my next door neighbor screaming...I wonder what more she could do, she's already on house arrest...

Watched 'Fred the Movie' with Maine which was actually funny. Defiantly humorous that Nickelodeon would let him say 'damn' & 'sex' on a child's channel but that's probably no big deal now a days for kids.

I did a vast amount of dishes that, I shit you not, was at tall as Mount. Everest. Today, consisted of a lot of cleaning but it was much needed.

We had everyone over for dinner today. Perogies...of course, but then again I could eat them all day everyday. After, dinner we were so loaded up on carbs that we all just couldn't stay in the house the rest of the night. So, we went out & walked like it was no big deal. Everyone left because they were tired obviously so, Maine & I are now currently watching the Red Sox vs. Yankees game. 1-2. Tomorrow, we are watching the White Sox vs. Red Sox game & it's pretty much on like Donkey Kong...yet again. Also, I am now sporting the name 'Ma' by Arkansas since I always cooks stuff doe her along with everyone else.

The one thing that I have come to realize is that my purpose of this blog is a purpose no more. My purpose for this before was to vent & keep my family updated. Well, now people read my blog (which I totally appreciate)that I didn't expect to read it but just like my house I have to watch what I say. Kind of sucks but I guess I should have expected this.

On a lighter note...my wrist piercing is starting to reject itself. Damn. My mom should have made me with more holes for piercings. Would have made this nonsense less time consuming.

Also, I failed to mention that along with our rigging system that Maine & I bought yesterday, we bought two signs that say 'Come on in, we're open!' & 'No Smoking'. The 'Come on in, we're open' was for Alaska since most the time he insists one knocking/ringing the door, with his face pressed up against the window until someone comes & lets him in, even though he knows the door is always unlocked. Our neighbors, that you would swear were chimneys in a last life, saw the 'No Smoking' sign that we posted out on our deck for them...good.

I was also considering on asking our neighbor if she would mind posing for my anti-freedom shoot on a count that she has house arrest bracelet on & I couldn't think of anything less free than that. I also figure if she gets pissed at my accusation, I shall simply step a few feet back to where she can't cross & walk nonchalantly back into my craptastic bungalow.

<---Perogie dinner.

<---What happens after a highly carbed din-din.

Day 29: The walls have ears

Oh, Saturday. How I love you & your sleepily days. I slept in till 1pm today. Woke up to Taylor Swift's song 15. That's a good way to start a Saturday for sure.

I spent the WHOLE day with Maine. It was pretty awesome. We went to lunch for the first time alone together where I came to ponder if getting a weekend job while i'm here was a good idea or not. I'm still indecisive about it. Anyways, we got onto the topic of how I could hear her music this morning & how I should just stand out on the roof when I want to talk to her & just yell to her rather than walking up a flight of stairs. This is where we came up with the smart idea of making a rigging system from her window to mine. So, we went to Home Depot, explained our story to 2 different workers & bought some purple twine, 2 pulleys & a legit metal bucket. We then combined them & made the said rigged system that quickly broke & is now homed in my closet...for now. The walls have ears.

Later tonight we went to dinner where we all nearly went into a food coma.

Got thinking about home today & got a tad bit sad. This led me to think about Kevin, which down right depressed me. I miss his hugs, I miss the way his mustache scratched my face when he kissed me goodbye, I miss the combination of cigarettes & coffee on his breath & I miss the way he made me feel like I was actually going somewhere with my life & that I wasn't a complete fuck up.

Day 28: Vegetarian

It's finally FRIDAY!!! The only thing that I don't like about Friday is that it leads to the weekend in which case is good but this weekend is not so good since I have to do a shoot about something I have no clue about...

Today was good. It went by slow but it was good. We had photo review (a.k.a critic) this afternoon & guess who's photograph got put up as a good example? Alaska's did. Oh...& mine of course! My photograph was of Alaska with a long board. It turned out rather good but he doesn't think so. I'll be sure to put the photo up when my computer stops being a temperamental brat & actually decides to save my pictures on the system.

Later tonight we went out to dinner & cruised around for a while. While driving I noticed how bright the moon was & how in perspective, it's strange. I mean, we can see it plain as day, even some craters on it but yet it takes a little over a year to get to it. I find it fascinating that we can't see other states like we see the moon yet they are in driving distance.

Today was hug a vegetarian day.

Hugs for being vegetarian= 0

Hugs for shits & giggles= roughly 10

Correction: hug for being vegetarian= 1 via webcam (from Grace)

Day 26: Peaches

Thursday already? Geez.

My group didn't start school till 10am today which was SUPER nice. I got some much needed sleep but woke up with the sniffles...there is always a catch...

I felt pretty today. That is something you will probably in my whole blog's life never hear me say again. I don't have self esteem issues because if I did I wouldn't have said I felt even the least bit pretty. I am modest is all. I wore my Levi's that have none other but holes in the knees (surprise, surprise), a black 1/4 sleeve shirt, a black lacy scarf & my Chuck Taylors. My hair (as usual) was it's normal grungy, chunk curl self. I also wore my glasses that aren't really glasses at all, just frames. Since I didn't want to lose my eye sight to someone who was apparently blind in the first place; I punched the lens out. Pretty. <---that's how I felt. Though the tissue crammed up my snuffly nose 3/4 of the school day was suuuuper sexy, I promise...that was sarcasm, if you haven't caught it.

After school I gave England a lesson on 'locker techniques & tricks' a.k.a opening a damn locker. I don't think he understood the whole left twice around, right once passed the last number & left straight to the last number concept, so he has to practice while I (until the day he gets it) will open his locker for him, long as he finds me.

Typical crap at 'home'. Sat in my room. Talked to Maine. Went driving around with Maine. Although, neither of us have had a conversation more than 2 mins long with Kansas the last 2 days. I figure I would just let her be & in case something is going on back home.

Maine & I also came to the conclusion that the little boy's name next door is 'Peaches'. Why, you ask? Because after dinner Maine & I were sitting talking about our usual bull when out of the darkness, where our neighbors are inhabited we heard a lady calling 'Peaches'. That's totally normal, you say? No. Let me finish. After a good 2-3 'Peaches' out cries, the lady's tone turned into 'normal' to the voice of a burly construction worker. I swear Satan was going to peel back the darkness of our neighbors barrier & arise from the abyss of blackness & punch us in the face for peeping. Peaches might as well be the dog next door too but we figure that the little boy being named Peaches is less argumentative.

There is defiantly not a dull moment, let me tell ya.

Day 25: Punkin'

Add yet another state I've visited to my list.

We spent the whole day in Vermont for class today. One of my class mates made a very good point while we were getting coffee from this coffee house that looks like a speak easy. He said "I love that we can do this & are technically still 'in class'. Our school rocks." I couldn't agree more. How many schools can you go to where field trips are required weekly, you're outside 3/5 of the school week & you call the teachers by their first names? Not many, I can promise you. My school does in fact 'rock' & i'm not going to be modest when I say so. Also, can you go long boarding while doing an assignment for said class? I don't think so. I however, did.

Water is my new best friend. I've been drinking it like none other. Though I shouldn't call it a friend since I would never drink a friend...unless they were tea...then I might.

Maine, Pennsylvania (yes, it's been a damn while) & I drove half an hour just to get Panera Bread for dinner. Man, are we desperate but it was well worth it.

Pumpkin scent is the scent that I apparently own. Can't tell you how many times I've been told this week that anything pumpkin reminds people of me. I just realized today how true that accusation actually was.

Also, Alaska (yes, he is mentioned in my blogs a lot, I know) had a nice day of picking out my 'accent'. Here are a list of words that I obviously say wrong & the way I should be saying them:

Punkin' = Pumpkin

Potata = Potato

Be'er = Beer

Tomata = Tomato

(I will add to the list if more come up)

Day 24: 7 months

The school i'm attending isn't like other art schools. We spend 4/5 days outside. I love it.

Today wasn't one of my best days or at least the after school part wasn't too pleasing. During school, however, I got told that my style is awesome (I didn't know I had a style), was told yet again that I am a good writer, told I was photogenic (seriously?), that my photographs where awesome & that I made some kick ass perogies. As modest as I am, i'm learning to just take compliments when thrown at me. Anyways, back to after school. In a nutshell I stumbled upon Kevin's old work & music. I seriously shut down my computer along with my mind. I laid in bed & just thought.

I watched Glee for the first time today & I must say I'm a fan for sure. The humor is so crude & very clever.

Sorry for the small entry. Don't feel like writing much tonight.

Oh, before I forget to mention, I didn't wail on Alaska once today. I'm sure he's rather happy.

Day 23: Hug me

Today, I got a hug from one of my readers. It seriously made my day. I love hugs. So ,of you who see me on a daily basis & in fact read my blog also, just come on up & give me a big, hardy hug. That means you too Alaska (for those of you who don't know, he hates hugs).

I don't think suicide is something to joke about, at all. I'm not looking for sympathy when I say this, more like getting a point across. My friend (for his/her sake I won't give a name) keeps saying they are going to kill themselves. I thought they were serious at first but after the last 3 times they told me they were going to do it & never did, I just classified it as a pity calling. I think it's hard for some people to grasp what I have been through the last 7 months. Sorry to say that my readers will never know what exactly happened unless they are a genius of some sort & can put context clues together at an astounding rate, they won't know. Let's say 2 suicides in a 7 month period mentally & physically(pardon my French) fucks someone up & everything in between but that's just the bit of it. Moving here was a big chance I took & I have my regrets but I remind myself i'm here for a reason. I'm not playing games anymore.

Anyways, the Massachusetts' had me over for dinner. We had enchiladas & I accidental ate a piece of meat but oh well, i'll be okay. I'm sorry for eating part of your face, cow. Also, from now on guy Massachusetts will be still called 'Massachusetts' however girl Massachusetts (room mates of other MA) will be called Canada for everyone's sake of future confusion. Well, anyways, Massachusetts turned me onto this killer band called 'The Pretty Reckless' that I have taken quite a fancy to. The lead singer reminds me, strangely enough, of me when I was 15-17. Odd.

Besides that, we sat around for a good hour or more having a heart to heart conversation with both of them about subject matters that will not be reviled on the internet in case I get more bullhonkey thrown my way for expressing my opinion.

Day 22: Apples!

Slept till 1pm today again.

This entry is going to be short, I can already predict it. Sundays are always boring.

The room mates (minus Pennsylvania) & I went shopping today & bought enough food that could last us through the Ice Age. I think I may like grocery shopping than regular shopping by far. I love to cook, so that might be a reason why.

Later that night we went to Alaska's house for the first time & met his 'room mate' along with his rent-a-parents. I didn't see much of that dad but the mom was freakin awesome. She talked to us like we were just people & I didn't feel like she judged me at all. The reason I say that is because I was stressing last night while I was talking to Alaska about how I always feel like i'm being judge, blah, blah, blah...same crap as always. Anyways, we had an awesome pizza & salad dinner with apple crumble (which I have never had) for dessert. I am proud to announce that I am in fact a apple crumble fan.

In lighter news, my cheeks still hurt.

Day 21: JONES

I love weekends. I really do.

I didn't wake up till 1:30pm today. Yes, I wasted my day but I couldn't have gotten a better night of sleep if a punched the Sandman in the face myself.

My day consisted of me wishing I was at home, so I could see my cousin Becky & (my new cousin) Bob get married. I bet she looked absolutely beautiful & he more than likely very dashing. My sisters probably look magnificent too. For all of my 20 years on his Earth, I've only been to 2 weddings. I honestly love them. I love the feelings of being pretty & getting all dolled up but mostly I enjoy seeing people happy. It gives me hope that one day I will find a guy that loves me for who I am & that all the people that I see at weddings, will be at mine one day.

I cleaned my room a tad. I have a huge mug shot line of JONES pop bottles lined up on my desk. I swear I never knew I had a wooden desk until today. The only slight reason I cleaned up was for Alaska's sake. I don't want him to think i'm a messy person when I'm not, I've just been too tired or busy with school.

Later tonight a bunch of us had our first bonfire in MA. We built a rustic campfire on the beach with Vampire Weekend playing in the background as we made s'mores out of a make shift s'more poker (Florida cut up an umbrella & made 'to go' s'more pokers). I love autumn bonfires. They are beyond the best.My cheeks are exceptionally sore today.

Day 20: Just when I though you didn't care.

Sorry for the lack of an update last night. My computer charger was playing hide & seek with me.

Yesterday was the day that I got terribly home sick to where I actually cried. My sister Kelly (yes I use their real names) video chatted with me when I had 2 hours of observation (free time). She was baby sitting Aaiden. I got to see him, Ham (our hedgehog) & Bandit (our dog) on webcam. I must say it's rather annoying not being able to touch any of them. It's like I can see but can't touch. I wanted nothing more than to hold Aaiden, pet Hammie & kiss Bandit. That's the first thing that made me realize how much I miss home.

When I got home I received a letter. The handwriting where my name & address was written was beautiful. I knew right away it was from my Dad.

Let me tell you a bit about my father first. My Dad is a big 6'2, burley man. Ever see the TV show 'Roseanne'? Yeah, that's my Dad in height & physique. He never told me he loved me until I left for Massachusetts. Mom said that he was in denial for a good 2 weeks before I left. He kept saying how I wasn't going & all that nonsense. Around people he doesn't know he's very quiet but behind closed doors he's the best man I could ever have as a father.

Anyways, that's a bit of my Dad. Like I said, he sent me some mail but it wasn't a letter like I though. My Dad doesn't really do things like that. He's quick & to the point kind of person. I opened the letter & found a brochure about 'planning for your child's college future'. I unfolded it & found $40 with a note that said nothing more than 'Have some fun. Love Dad.' This is the one thing that made me so far miss home the most (& my mom's cooking of course). For a man who shows no emotion, this one thing showed me he cared. I didn't even care that he sent me money, the note did all I could ask for.

I'm now counting down the days till December 17th.

Day 19: It's on like Donkey Kong.

Maine says it's 'on like Donkey Kong'. We have plans. That's all you need to know, just that we have plans...for things...think of the movie 'Misery'. Maybe you'll catch my vibe.

School today was actually very, VERY awesome. I knew it was going to be an awesome day since they had us come in at 9am rather than 8am. Not to mention our day consisted of walking around a yuppie full tie wearing fool of a town that shot us the stink eye because (I reckon) we are art kids. Apparently they hate Hallmark kids...well, I don't like burb, tie wearing, brats. In said town we took photographs...A LOT of photographs. I was myself today which was nice. I talked to probably about 8 new people & my professor, Braden, 'loved' my work both times I showed him. I also found out that England is only 21 years old, only 21! He seems so much more older. We adventured into barns & old army trucks. To end the school day we got out 1 1/2 hours early. Oh & we found a finger puppet. We named her Wendell.

I sketched out my next painting tonight too. It looks good but I can't wait till i'm completely happy with it.

Haven't seen much of Pennsylvania lately. This whole week actually. Odd.

I miss our whole group that we were so naive to believe that would actually stay together. It's like a horrible break up where you're still friends with the person.

Maine just lost a battle to the hot fudge. She also sat alone today at lunch at our house. She's had a bad day.

Day 18: To all my blog readers (some I didn't even know I had)

It's starting to feel like i'm actually in school now. I'm not diggin' this whole 'up at 6am' nonsense.

Apparently, more people read my blog than I though. I got a message from a girl (no name will be given of course) on Facebook about how I need to 'respect' my teacher Greg Heisler & that I need to love our water damaged floor that the previous girls have left behind. Let me clarify things...

1.) As bitchy as I might seem in these blogs, i'm not. I'm very friendly & easy to get along with from what i'm told. You can't really tell when people are serious or not. I don't use emoticons so that makes it extra hard. These blogs were meant for my family & friends back in Chicago. If you fancy reading them & you're not my friend or family, well...read at your own risk I suppose.

2.)In my previous blog, all I said about Greg was that he was boring & some other malarkey that didn't mean much. It was my first impression but an impression none the less. I think he is a brilliant man & his photographs are amazing. I simply meant that his stage presence was boring but i'm sure my view on his speeches will change, I can promise you. One thing that does make me smile about when he talks is that if I close my eyes I swear David Spade was on stage...he sounds just like him!

3.) I FREAKIN love our house. I love our suicidal pasta pot mouse, our water damaged floors & everything in between. I just don't like the fact that we had to deal with everything that went wrong with the house when we moved in.

This blog wasn't meant to 'offend' anyone or make me sound like a 'stuck up, cold bitch'. I'm not going to say sorry for writing my blog & my opinions since it is MY blog & MY opinions. I will, however, say sorry to those who I have offended let it be Hallmark graduates that apparently read it (thanks by the way) or anyone.

Day 17: ENGLAND!

We FINALLY got our cameras today! I now am the mother of a Nikon D60 & a Canon Mark II-EOS-5D. Alaska seems to be excited too since he has made at least 4 videos since he's been here...

I also found out today that he reads my blog religiously just like Maine & Kansas...I feel loved.

I currently don't really have anything to write about expect for the fact that I want to long board & bake a pumpkin pie. I still haven't done either.

OH! I know what happened today that was rather exciting. I FINALLY got my package from England. It absolutely made my day, aside from the hippie man riding down my street with no hands on a bike burping like Homer Simpson. I love over thinking certain things like the fact that the package was last opened in England. I think it's rather fascinating. What's not fascinating is my professor's lack of excitement in his speeches. I fell asleep for the first part of class & woke up entirely frustrated since there was no room for me to be comfortable.

Alaska really needs to learn how to give hugs before he leaves...I know you're reading this Alaska...GIVE HUGS!

Day 16: Pumpkin pie

First day of classes! Yayyyy...yeah...no. I guess I can only blame myself since i'm currently running on 0 hours of sleep & a half hour nap.

I bet right about now my absence in Chicago is hitting my family & friends like a friet train since I haven't been gone for more than 2 weeks from them all. It sure doesn't feel like I've been gone for only 2 weeks, more like a year already. My room is still a mess & a have laundry like a mother. I should really get on that.

Alaska makes me laugh. He really does. He made the first day of school less annoying. While at lunch he & Maine got into it about eye color but not the kind of 'got into it' like our house hold has been like. Apparently Maine has grey eyes & Alaska looks very serious when he eats...he also likes fruit...a lot of it.

I met a kid from England today. I shit you not, brother of Robert Pattinson. He looks just like him but probably is taller than he is & he rocks mandals which I don't think Pattinson would be caught dead in.

I still feel distant from everyone but i'm taking it a day at a time. That's all I can really do.

I don't know why but country makes me always feel better but makes me miss my home in Wisconsin & all my friends & family up there. Maine is playing the 'Zac Brown Band' & it's making me feel better though all I really want to do is bake a pumpkin pie. I think I just might.

Also, day 1 of no swearing...or else Alaska gets a quarter...he's going to be able to pay off his tuition by the end of this bet.

Day 15: Round 2.

Once again, it begins!

Today I seriously thought about calling my mom up & telling her to book me a flight back home in Chicago but I realized that doing that would put me into classification under 'failure'. I don't want that. Besides, I don't want to disappointed you guys in all my awesome times here. I just have to find a few first...

Things got heated here again with the room mates. So much that I got mad. I never get mad. Sadly Maine, Alaska & Kansas got to see me 'mad' but I just got to the point that I don't rightfully give a shit. Florida & I went on a ride just to spill our guts to each other. I learned some stuff about her that showed me that I trusted her & I did the same as well. She made sure that I wouldn't tell anyone about what she had told me & my only response was 'i'm not like that' which may be hard to believe the way the shit has been hitting the fan in our house but that really is how I am. I honestly felt okay talking to her. I felt like I could 'trust' her which I haven't done in a long time.

This whole 'he said, she said' bull crap caused me having to tell Virginia about my slight crush on him but it wasn't that big of a deal since I have a slight crush on all our guy friends. When I say crush, I don't mean 'like'. My mind is way too complicated for anyone to understand so I must try & water it down so you can understand.

Crush=like more as a friend because they are different from other people.

Cute=good looking but I don't want to have a relationship with just yet.

Like=wanting to have a relationship with a person.

Love=...let's not go there; I don't 'love' anyone yet.

Day 14: I don't even know.

9 years ago today was the attack of the Twin Towers as you all probably know. 9 years ago I also had no idea I would be just a state away from said Towers (or would have been if they were still there). All that ran through my mind today was how I never know what is going to happen next. I don't know if i'm going to be shot or have the best day of my life tomorrow. I don't know what is going to happen, which makes me feel a bit uneasy since I like to know how things are going to go down. I should really keep out of my serious state of mind. I also don't think i'm going to be anytime soon since I was looking up pictures of 9/11 & came across a picture of someone that jumped from the building. When I say 'jumped' I don't mean I saw a picture of him in mid air; a saw a picture of him contact to the ground. Things like that disturb me beyond all belief. I really should stop thinking like this but I can't.

No one really know who I am here, no one knows my over excessive trust issues, no one knows that I check my closet every night because I think a killer is hiding there(I actually just had Maine come check the house out with me because I heard a noise), no one knows what state of mind I am in & no one absolutely knows what I've been through since February. Everyday I look in the mirror & see a different person for each day of the week. It bothers me.

Okay, enough about my obviously effed up mind. Tonight we went to the fair. I've never been to one but it's really kool. I pet a cow for the first time, I can now die a happy women. I don't really like being out in public where people are constantly saying nasty comments, staring or just right down ignorant. Sometimes I don't understand the human condition, nor would I if they act like this.

Not much has happened today that is worth writing about except for Alaska, Maine & my serious conversation out on the deck about 'love'. Also, the only think I can think of that was remotely interesting actually happened a couple hours after my last post from yesterday. I was pissed, as you could have obviously told, by what happened yesterday so I went out long boarding. I went down a steep hill that made me go at least 20 mph on the board which caused me to get mad speed wobbles. I saw a 'busy' (it's not as busy as Chicago streets) ahead & knew I was in trouble, so I just hoped that there were no cars that were going to hit me. Thank God there wasn't but there was gravel & a lot of it. I knew I was going to fall so I kind of just threw myself off the board to try & land in some grass but I slammed into an apartment building instead. I laid there in the grass for a while only when my ear caught a black lady sitting on the porch to say "Oh shit. Girrrrrrrl, is you okay?" I said, "Yes, i'm fine. Happens all the time." Which it doesn't but I just didn't want to worry her. So, I got back up & boarded home. Scraped knee, road rash arm & some bruises but i'm fine, sore as hell today though.

Not much to say tonight, sorry. My mind is somewhere else.