Day 14: I don't even know.

9 years ago today was the attack of the Twin Towers as you all probably know. 9 years ago I also had no idea I would be just a state away from said Towers (or would have been if they were still there). All that ran through my mind today was how I never know what is going to happen next. I don't know if i'm going to be shot or have the best day of my life tomorrow. I don't know what is going to happen, which makes me feel a bit uneasy since I like to know how things are going to go down. I should really keep out of my serious state of mind. I also don't think i'm going to be anytime soon since I was looking up pictures of 9/11 & came across a picture of someone that jumped from the building. When I say 'jumped' I don't mean I saw a picture of him in mid air; a saw a picture of him contact to the ground. Things like that disturb me beyond all belief. I really should stop thinking like this but I can't.

No one really know who I am here, no one knows my over excessive trust issues, no one knows that I check my closet every night because I think a killer is hiding there(I actually just had Maine come check the house out with me because I heard a noise), no one knows what state of mind I am in & no one absolutely knows what I've been through since February. Everyday I look in the mirror & see a different person for each day of the week. It bothers me.

Okay, enough about my obviously effed up mind. Tonight we went to the fair. I've never been to one but it's really kool. I pet a cow for the first time, I can now die a happy women. I don't really like being out in public where people are constantly saying nasty comments, staring or just right down ignorant. Sometimes I don't understand the human condition, nor would I if they act like this.

Not much has happened today that is worth writing about except for Alaska, Maine & my serious conversation out on the deck about 'love'. Also, the only think I can think of that was remotely interesting actually happened a couple hours after my last post from yesterday. I was pissed, as you could have obviously told, by what happened yesterday so I went out long boarding. I went down a steep hill that made me go at least 20 mph on the board which caused me to get mad speed wobbles. I saw a 'busy' (it's not as busy as Chicago streets) ahead & knew I was in trouble, so I just hoped that there were no cars that were going to hit me. Thank God there wasn't but there was gravel & a lot of it. I knew I was going to fall so I kind of just threw myself off the board to try & land in some grass but I slammed into an apartment building instead. I laid there in the grass for a while only when my ear caught a black lady sitting on the porch to say "Oh shit. Girrrrrrrl, is you okay?" I said, "Yes, i'm fine. Happens all the time." Which it doesn't but I just didn't want to worry her. So, I got back up & boarded home. Scraped knee, road rash arm & some bruises but i'm fine, sore as hell today though.

Not much to say tonight, sorry. My mind is somewhere else.