Day 34: Go ahead, read my blog.

I have nothing to say.

Day 33: Whales

So, I can't help but feel that i'm more hated than liked in this stupid place.

If I get so much as one more nasty comment about my blog...I will say nothing because you know what? It's MY blog & i'm entitled to MY opinion. If YOU don't like it then YOU don't need to read it. Understand? I don't think I can generically clarify that any more.

Today wasn't one of my best. I'm not in a bad mood, I just did not like how today was. Let's start off with school. It dragged. Not my teacher's fault though, I just was super tired. During my last class I had to take my wrist piercing out since the night before I snagged it on a pillow which caused it to rip a tad. So, I took it out today & now a piece of bloody flesh is protruding from it. Sexy, I know.

Maine, Massachusetts & I were all piled in my room when all my sisters & Grace went on webcam. My mom thinks I have my dimples pierced & she refuses to put money in my bank account since I 'disobeyed her'. Seriously? Well, after my mom threw her hissy fit, we all went to Virginia & Louisiana's house where we helped Virginia with one of his photographs. I don't get how helping someone could make me feel so crappy about myself. I saw his photograph he took & LOVED it. I didn't love how crappy it made me feel about my own photography though. I know, I know, I shouldn't compare myself to others because I won't get anywhere in life, blah, blah freakin' blah...we are only human.

Massachusetts made a good point. He said that I shouldn't limit myself on my blog. He said I shouldn't hold back just because some people that chose to read it, don't like it. I think we all know the solution to this is.

Anyways, I was going to spend a good portion of this blog to vent about someone that kind of erked me, but I realized it's not worth it. I'm not saying they aren't worth it, i'm saying IT isn't worth it, the whole situation that is. All i'm going to say is that I LIKED you, you idiot. LIKED, past tense. Also, that you're very confusing & I don't know if I should like someone who gives me that much mental whiplash. I'm not going to say 'your loss' because I honestly think i'm nothing special but neither are you.

I ate nearly a whole box of Whales tonight. What are Whales, you ask? Whales are just like Goldfish crackers but generic. The are oddly enough much better than Goldfish & look nothing like whales at all, more like a rabbit that was merked & is now classified as road kill. However, they do not taste like it so don't be fooled by it's morbid shape.

David Turner (one of my teachers) made me smile today before all this shizz happened. He reads my Facebook. I'm flattered.

<---Whales Crackers.

<---David Turner.

Day 32: Drug dealin' Granny

Photography school = public speaking...apparently.

Today didn't start off so well. I woke up 'late' (remember that). I usually get up at 5am but woke up at 6:45am instead. Canada had to pick us up since Maine had observation in the morning. I thought we weren't going to make it to school in time but to my & Canada's surprise, we didn't have to be at school until 1pm...freakin yay.

I got, I guess you can call it 'trouble', in class today since I was showing Canada photographs I took of her earlier today that were a bit ridiculous & she laughed so bluntly out loud that our teacher, Gabe, thought we were on Facebook & instantly called us out on it since he was 'teaching' (I already knew what to do).

Weird how I only had two classes today.

My last class is the class where I had to give a speech...lord help us all. I honestly don't mind talking in front of people. I honestly don't even feel like i'm talking rather than someone else is. At least our speeches were about ourselves & not about the history of photograph. The teacher said I did well & that I was humorous (bull) when I gave speeches. I guess that's why people were laughing. Hm. But I tend to whisper at the end of sentences. That was just because of my cold but I imagined how ridiculous that must have sounded.

The rest of the day is a haze for the most part. Maine, Pennsylvania, Arkansas & I watched 'Glee' & went over to Virginia's house to help him with his project that included a very shady looking down stairs & a stair well that look like Jews hid in during Holocaust. I modeled for him too which gave me giggles like crazy but he told me just to think of something frightening...so I thought of...well, I won't say who in case they read this. I don't want to hurt feelings.

The day ended with Maine & I coming home to our neighbors down stairs yelling at each other. It was the mom & son. Apparently, the mom, mind you she is at least 65+ years, is a drug runner. Out of the whole damn town we get all sides top-bottom left-right of, how should I put this...very colorful characters.

Day 31: Hello there handsome

Listening to people talk about something I am already educated about is rather annoying. It's not just a little chat session either, let's try 4 hour lecture...

I have a crush. As high school as that sounds, there is no better way to say it. No one knows who it is. Except Maine. She knows all. Anyways, I go to school with him (no shit) & I talk to him somewhat. I don't know, ever since February my trust for people has gone down the shitter. All I can hope for is that I get to know him better & he likes me back (fat chance of that).

We didn't do much in school today. Just got lectured, like I said before & we also 'learned' motion photography. We also played some type of game about lines? I don't know, sure beats being lectured though. Alaska was freakin out about being called up on stage but I got called instead. No big deal, I like being in front of people, as hard as that might be to believe.

It rained today (finally!!) but the timing couldn't be any more bitter sweet. I've been dying for rain but it just so happened to be the day I had a shoot. Fooey.

Red Sox vs. White Sox at home field. Maine keeps laughing at my random 'wooooooh's & cusses. I don't think she is any comparison to me though.

It's also been 1 month since I've hugged my mom.

Day 30: 'Come on in, we're open!'

So, as much as I don't like Sundays, this one was actually bearable.

I woke up to my next door neighbor screaming...I wonder what more she could do, she's already on house arrest...

Watched 'Fred the Movie' with Maine which was actually funny. Defiantly humorous that Nickelodeon would let him say 'damn' & 'sex' on a child's channel but that's probably no big deal now a days for kids.

I did a vast amount of dishes that, I shit you not, was at tall as Mount. Everest. Today, consisted of a lot of cleaning but it was much needed.

We had everyone over for dinner today. Perogies...of course, but then again I could eat them all day everyday. After, dinner we were so loaded up on carbs that we all just couldn't stay in the house the rest of the night. So, we went out & walked like it was no big deal. Everyone left because they were tired obviously so, Maine & I are now currently watching the Red Sox vs. Yankees game. 1-2. Tomorrow, we are watching the White Sox vs. Red Sox game & it's pretty much on like Donkey Kong...yet again. Also, I am now sporting the name 'Ma' by Arkansas since I always cooks stuff doe her along with everyone else.

The one thing that I have come to realize is that my purpose of this blog is a purpose no more. My purpose for this before was to vent & keep my family updated. Well, now people read my blog (which I totally appreciate)that I didn't expect to read it but just like my house I have to watch what I say. Kind of sucks but I guess I should have expected this.

On a lighter note...my wrist piercing is starting to reject itself. Damn. My mom should have made me with more holes for piercings. Would have made this nonsense less time consuming.

Also, I failed to mention that along with our rigging system that Maine & I bought yesterday, we bought two signs that say 'Come on in, we're open!' & 'No Smoking'. The 'Come on in, we're open' was for Alaska since most the time he insists one knocking/ringing the door, with his face pressed up against the window until someone comes & lets him in, even though he knows the door is always unlocked. Our neighbors, that you would swear were chimneys in a last life, saw the 'No Smoking' sign that we posted out on our deck for them...good.

I was also considering on asking our neighbor if she would mind posing for my anti-freedom shoot on a count that she has house arrest bracelet on & I couldn't think of anything less free than that. I also figure if she gets pissed at my accusation, I shall simply step a few feet back to where she can't cross & walk nonchalantly back into my craptastic bungalow.

<---Perogie dinner.

<---What happens after a highly carbed din-din.

Day 29: The walls have ears

Oh, Saturday. How I love you & your sleepily days. I slept in till 1pm today. Woke up to Taylor Swift's song 15. That's a good way to start a Saturday for sure.

I spent the WHOLE day with Maine. It was pretty awesome. We went to lunch for the first time alone together where I came to ponder if getting a weekend job while i'm here was a good idea or not. I'm still indecisive about it. Anyways, we got onto the topic of how I could hear her music this morning & how I should just stand out on the roof when I want to talk to her & just yell to her rather than walking up a flight of stairs. This is where we came up with the smart idea of making a rigging system from her window to mine. So, we went to Home Depot, explained our story to 2 different workers & bought some purple twine, 2 pulleys & a legit metal bucket. We then combined them & made the said rigged system that quickly broke & is now homed in my closet...for now. The walls have ears.

Later tonight we went to dinner where we all nearly went into a food coma.

Got thinking about home today & got a tad bit sad. This led me to think about Kevin, which down right depressed me. I miss his hugs, I miss the way his mustache scratched my face when he kissed me goodbye, I miss the combination of cigarettes & coffee on his breath & I miss the way he made me feel like I was actually going somewhere with my life & that I wasn't a complete fuck up.

Day 28: Vegetarian

It's finally FRIDAY!!! The only thing that I don't like about Friday is that it leads to the weekend in which case is good but this weekend is not so good since I have to do a shoot about something I have no clue about...

Today was good. It went by slow but it was good. We had photo review (a.k.a critic) this afternoon & guess who's photograph got put up as a good example? Alaska's did. Oh...& mine of course! My photograph was of Alaska with a long board. It turned out rather good but he doesn't think so. I'll be sure to put the photo up when my computer stops being a temperamental brat & actually decides to save my pictures on the system.

Later tonight we went out to dinner & cruised around for a while. While driving I noticed how bright the moon was & how in perspective, it's strange. I mean, we can see it plain as day, even some craters on it but yet it takes a little over a year to get to it. I find it fascinating that we can't see other states like we see the moon yet they are in driving distance.

Today was hug a vegetarian day.

Hugs for being vegetarian= 0

Hugs for shits & giggles= roughly 10

Correction: hug for being vegetarian= 1 via webcam (from Grace)

Day 26: Peaches

Thursday already? Geez.

My group didn't start school till 10am today which was SUPER nice. I got some much needed sleep but woke up with the sniffles...there is always a catch...

I felt pretty today. That is something you will probably in my whole blog's life never hear me say again. I don't have self esteem issues because if I did I wouldn't have said I felt even the least bit pretty. I am modest is all. I wore my Levi's that have none other but holes in the knees (surprise, surprise), a black 1/4 sleeve shirt, a black lacy scarf & my Chuck Taylors. My hair (as usual) was it's normal grungy, chunk curl self. I also wore my glasses that aren't really glasses at all, just frames. Since I didn't want to lose my eye sight to someone who was apparently blind in the first place; I punched the lens out. Pretty. <---that's how I felt. Though the tissue crammed up my snuffly nose 3/4 of the school day was suuuuper sexy, I promise...that was sarcasm, if you haven't caught it.

After school I gave England a lesson on 'locker techniques & tricks' a.k.a opening a damn locker. I don't think he understood the whole left twice around, right once passed the last number & left straight to the last number concept, so he has to practice while I (until the day he gets it) will open his locker for him, long as he finds me.

Typical crap at 'home'. Sat in my room. Talked to Maine. Went driving around with Maine. Although, neither of us have had a conversation more than 2 mins long with Kansas the last 2 days. I figure I would just let her be & in case something is going on back home.

Maine & I also came to the conclusion that the little boy's name next door is 'Peaches'. Why, you ask? Because after dinner Maine & I were sitting talking about our usual bull when out of the darkness, where our neighbors are inhabited we heard a lady calling 'Peaches'. That's totally normal, you say? No. Let me finish. After a good 2-3 'Peaches' out cries, the lady's tone turned into 'normal' to the voice of a burly construction worker. I swear Satan was going to peel back the darkness of our neighbors barrier & arise from the abyss of blackness & punch us in the face for peeping. Peaches might as well be the dog next door too but we figure that the little boy being named Peaches is less argumentative.

There is defiantly not a dull moment, let me tell ya.

Day 25: Punkin'

Add yet another state I've visited to my list.

We spent the whole day in Vermont for class today. One of my class mates made a very good point while we were getting coffee from this coffee house that looks like a speak easy. He said "I love that we can do this & are technically still 'in class'. Our school rocks." I couldn't agree more. How many schools can you go to where field trips are required weekly, you're outside 3/5 of the school week & you call the teachers by their first names? Not many, I can promise you. My school does in fact 'rock' & i'm not going to be modest when I say so. Also, can you go long boarding while doing an assignment for said class? I don't think so. I however, did.

Water is my new best friend. I've been drinking it like none other. Though I shouldn't call it a friend since I would never drink a friend...unless they were tea...then I might.

Maine, Pennsylvania (yes, it's been a damn while) & I drove half an hour just to get Panera Bread for dinner. Man, are we desperate but it was well worth it.

Pumpkin scent is the scent that I apparently own. Can't tell you how many times I've been told this week that anything pumpkin reminds people of me. I just realized today how true that accusation actually was.

Also, Alaska (yes, he is mentioned in my blogs a lot, I know) had a nice day of picking out my 'accent'. Here are a list of words that I obviously say wrong & the way I should be saying them:

Punkin' = Pumpkin

Potata = Potato

Be'er = Beer

Tomata = Tomato

(I will add to the list if more come up)

Day 24: 7 months

The school i'm attending isn't like other art schools. We spend 4/5 days outside. I love it.

Today wasn't one of my best days or at least the after school part wasn't too pleasing. During school, however, I got told that my style is awesome (I didn't know I had a style), was told yet again that I am a good writer, told I was photogenic (seriously?), that my photographs where awesome & that I made some kick ass perogies. As modest as I am, i'm learning to just take compliments when thrown at me. Anyways, back to after school. In a nutshell I stumbled upon Kevin's old work & music. I seriously shut down my computer along with my mind. I laid in bed & just thought.

I watched Glee for the first time today & I must say I'm a fan for sure. The humor is so crude & very clever.

Sorry for the small entry. Don't feel like writing much tonight.

Oh, before I forget to mention, I didn't wail on Alaska once today. I'm sure he's rather happy.

Day 23: Hug me

Today, I got a hug from one of my readers. It seriously made my day. I love hugs. So ,of you who see me on a daily basis & in fact read my blog also, just come on up & give me a big, hardy hug. That means you too Alaska (for those of you who don't know, he hates hugs).

I don't think suicide is something to joke about, at all. I'm not looking for sympathy when I say this, more like getting a point across. My friend (for his/her sake I won't give a name) keeps saying they are going to kill themselves. I thought they were serious at first but after the last 3 times they told me they were going to do it & never did, I just classified it as a pity calling. I think it's hard for some people to grasp what I have been through the last 7 months. Sorry to say that my readers will never know what exactly happened unless they are a genius of some sort & can put context clues together at an astounding rate, they won't know. Let's say 2 suicides in a 7 month period mentally & physically(pardon my French) fucks someone up & everything in between but that's just the bit of it. Moving here was a big chance I took & I have my regrets but I remind myself i'm here for a reason. I'm not playing games anymore.

Anyways, the Massachusetts' had me over for dinner. We had enchiladas & I accidental ate a piece of meat but oh well, i'll be okay. I'm sorry for eating part of your face, cow. Also, from now on guy Massachusetts will be still called 'Massachusetts' however girl Massachusetts (room mates of other MA) will be called Canada for everyone's sake of future confusion. Well, anyways, Massachusetts turned me onto this killer band called 'The Pretty Reckless' that I have taken quite a fancy to. The lead singer reminds me, strangely enough, of me when I was 15-17. Odd.

Besides that, we sat around for a good hour or more having a heart to heart conversation with both of them about subject matters that will not be reviled on the internet in case I get more bullhonkey thrown my way for expressing my opinion.

Day 22: Apples!

Slept till 1pm today again.

This entry is going to be short, I can already predict it. Sundays are always boring.

The room mates (minus Pennsylvania) & I went shopping today & bought enough food that could last us through the Ice Age. I think I may like grocery shopping than regular shopping by far. I love to cook, so that might be a reason why.

Later that night we went to Alaska's house for the first time & met his 'room mate' along with his rent-a-parents. I didn't see much of that dad but the mom was freakin awesome. She talked to us like we were just people & I didn't feel like she judged me at all. The reason I say that is because I was stressing last night while I was talking to Alaska about how I always feel like i'm being judge, blah, blah, blah...same crap as always. Anyways, we had an awesome pizza & salad dinner with apple crumble (which I have never had) for dessert. I am proud to announce that I am in fact a apple crumble fan.

In lighter news, my cheeks still hurt.

Day 21: JONES

I love weekends. I really do.

I didn't wake up till 1:30pm today. Yes, I wasted my day but I couldn't have gotten a better night of sleep if a punched the Sandman in the face myself.

My day consisted of me wishing I was at home, so I could see my cousin Becky & (my new cousin) Bob get married. I bet she looked absolutely beautiful & he more than likely very dashing. My sisters probably look magnificent too. For all of my 20 years on his Earth, I've only been to 2 weddings. I honestly love them. I love the feelings of being pretty & getting all dolled up but mostly I enjoy seeing people happy. It gives me hope that one day I will find a guy that loves me for who I am & that all the people that I see at weddings, will be at mine one day.

I cleaned my room a tad. I have a huge mug shot line of JONES pop bottles lined up on my desk. I swear I never knew I had a wooden desk until today. The only slight reason I cleaned up was for Alaska's sake. I don't want him to think i'm a messy person when I'm not, I've just been too tired or busy with school.

Later tonight a bunch of us had our first bonfire in MA. We built a rustic campfire on the beach with Vampire Weekend playing in the background as we made s'mores out of a make shift s'more poker (Florida cut up an umbrella & made 'to go' s'more pokers). I love autumn bonfires. They are beyond the best.My cheeks are exceptionally sore today.

Day 20: Just when I though you didn't care.

Sorry for the lack of an update last night. My computer charger was playing hide & seek with me.

Yesterday was the day that I got terribly home sick to where I actually cried. My sister Kelly (yes I use their real names) video chatted with me when I had 2 hours of observation (free time). She was baby sitting Aaiden. I got to see him, Ham (our hedgehog) & Bandit (our dog) on webcam. I must say it's rather annoying not being able to touch any of them. It's like I can see but can't touch. I wanted nothing more than to hold Aaiden, pet Hammie & kiss Bandit. That's the first thing that made me realize how much I miss home.

When I got home I received a letter. The handwriting where my name & address was written was beautiful. I knew right away it was from my Dad.

Let me tell you a bit about my father first. My Dad is a big 6'2, burley man. Ever see the TV show 'Roseanne'? Yeah, that's my Dad in height & physique. He never told me he loved me until I left for Massachusetts. Mom said that he was in denial for a good 2 weeks before I left. He kept saying how I wasn't going & all that nonsense. Around people he doesn't know he's very quiet but behind closed doors he's the best man I could ever have as a father.

Anyways, that's a bit of my Dad. Like I said, he sent me some mail but it wasn't a letter like I though. My Dad doesn't really do things like that. He's quick & to the point kind of person. I opened the letter & found a brochure about 'planning for your child's college future'. I unfolded it & found $40 with a note that said nothing more than 'Have some fun. Love Dad.' This is the one thing that made me so far miss home the most (& my mom's cooking of course). For a man who shows no emotion, this one thing showed me he cared. I didn't even care that he sent me money, the note did all I could ask for.

I'm now counting down the days till December 17th.

Day 19: It's on like Donkey Kong.

Maine says it's 'on like Donkey Kong'. We have plans. That's all you need to know, just that we have plans...for things...think of the movie 'Misery'. Maybe you'll catch my vibe.

School today was actually very, VERY awesome. I knew it was going to be an awesome day since they had us come in at 9am rather than 8am. Not to mention our day consisted of walking around a yuppie full tie wearing fool of a town that shot us the stink eye because (I reckon) we are art kids. Apparently they hate Hallmark kids...well, I don't like burb, tie wearing, brats. In said town we took photographs...A LOT of photographs. I was myself today which was nice. I talked to probably about 8 new people & my professor, Braden, 'loved' my work both times I showed him. I also found out that England is only 21 years old, only 21! He seems so much more older. We adventured into barns & old army trucks. To end the school day we got out 1 1/2 hours early. Oh & we found a finger puppet. We named her Wendell.

I sketched out my next painting tonight too. It looks good but I can't wait till i'm completely happy with it.

Haven't seen much of Pennsylvania lately. This whole week actually. Odd.

I miss our whole group that we were so naive to believe that would actually stay together. It's like a horrible break up where you're still friends with the person.

Maine just lost a battle to the hot fudge. She also sat alone today at lunch at our house. She's had a bad day.

Day 18: To all my blog readers (some I didn't even know I had)

It's starting to feel like i'm actually in school now. I'm not diggin' this whole 'up at 6am' nonsense.

Apparently, more people read my blog than I though. I got a message from a girl (no name will be given of course) on Facebook about how I need to 'respect' my teacher Greg Heisler & that I need to love our water damaged floor that the previous girls have left behind. Let me clarify things...

1.) As bitchy as I might seem in these blogs, i'm not. I'm very friendly & easy to get along with from what i'm told. You can't really tell when people are serious or not. I don't use emoticons so that makes it extra hard. These blogs were meant for my family & friends back in Chicago. If you fancy reading them & you're not my friend or family, well...read at your own risk I suppose.

2.)In my previous blog, all I said about Greg was that he was boring & some other malarkey that didn't mean much. It was my first impression but an impression none the less. I think he is a brilliant man & his photographs are amazing. I simply meant that his stage presence was boring but i'm sure my view on his speeches will change, I can promise you. One thing that does make me smile about when he talks is that if I close my eyes I swear David Spade was on stage...he sounds just like him!

3.) I FREAKIN love our house. I love our suicidal pasta pot mouse, our water damaged floors & everything in between. I just don't like the fact that we had to deal with everything that went wrong with the house when we moved in.

This blog wasn't meant to 'offend' anyone or make me sound like a 'stuck up, cold bitch'. I'm not going to say sorry for writing my blog & my opinions since it is MY blog & MY opinions. I will, however, say sorry to those who I have offended let it be Hallmark graduates that apparently read it (thanks by the way) or anyone.

Day 17: ENGLAND!

We FINALLY got our cameras today! I now am the mother of a Nikon D60 & a Canon Mark II-EOS-5D. Alaska seems to be excited too since he has made at least 4 videos since he's been here...

I also found out today that he reads my blog religiously just like Maine & Kansas...I feel loved.

I currently don't really have anything to write about expect for the fact that I want to long board & bake a pumpkin pie. I still haven't done either.

OH! I know what happened today that was rather exciting. I FINALLY got my package from England. It absolutely made my day, aside from the hippie man riding down my street with no hands on a bike burping like Homer Simpson. I love over thinking certain things like the fact that the package was last opened in England. I think it's rather fascinating. What's not fascinating is my professor's lack of excitement in his speeches. I fell asleep for the first part of class & woke up entirely frustrated since there was no room for me to be comfortable.

Alaska really needs to learn how to give hugs before he leaves...I know you're reading this Alaska...GIVE HUGS!

Day 16: Pumpkin pie

First day of classes! Yayyyy...yeah...no. I guess I can only blame myself since i'm currently running on 0 hours of sleep & a half hour nap.

I bet right about now my absence in Chicago is hitting my family & friends like a friet train since I haven't been gone for more than 2 weeks from them all. It sure doesn't feel like I've been gone for only 2 weeks, more like a year already. My room is still a mess & a have laundry like a mother. I should really get on that.

Alaska makes me laugh. He really does. He made the first day of school less annoying. While at lunch he & Maine got into it about eye color but not the kind of 'got into it' like our house hold has been like. Apparently Maine has grey eyes & Alaska looks very serious when he eats...he also likes fruit...a lot of it.

I met a kid from England today. I shit you not, brother of Robert Pattinson. He looks just like him but probably is taller than he is & he rocks mandals which I don't think Pattinson would be caught dead in.

I still feel distant from everyone but i'm taking it a day at a time. That's all I can really do.

I don't know why but country makes me always feel better but makes me miss my home in Wisconsin & all my friends & family up there. Maine is playing the 'Zac Brown Band' & it's making me feel better though all I really want to do is bake a pumpkin pie. I think I just might.

Also, day 1 of no swearing...or else Alaska gets a quarter...he's going to be able to pay off his tuition by the end of this bet.

Day 15: Round 2.

Once again, it begins!

Today I seriously thought about calling my mom up & telling her to book me a flight back home in Chicago but I realized that doing that would put me into classification under 'failure'. I don't want that. Besides, I don't want to disappointed you guys in all my awesome times here. I just have to find a few first...

Things got heated here again with the room mates. So much that I got mad. I never get mad. Sadly Maine, Alaska & Kansas got to see me 'mad' but I just got to the point that I don't rightfully give a shit. Florida & I went on a ride just to spill our guts to each other. I learned some stuff about her that showed me that I trusted her & I did the same as well. She made sure that I wouldn't tell anyone about what she had told me & my only response was 'i'm not like that' which may be hard to believe the way the shit has been hitting the fan in our house but that really is how I am. I honestly felt okay talking to her. I felt like I could 'trust' her which I haven't done in a long time.

This whole 'he said, she said' bull crap caused me having to tell Virginia about my slight crush on him but it wasn't that big of a deal since I have a slight crush on all our guy friends. When I say crush, I don't mean 'like'. My mind is way too complicated for anyone to understand so I must try & water it down so you can understand.

Crush=like more as a friend because they are different from other people.

Cute=good looking but I don't want to have a relationship with just yet.

Like=wanting to have a relationship with a person.

Love=...let's not go there; I don't 'love' anyone yet.

Day 14: I don't even know.

9 years ago today was the attack of the Twin Towers as you all probably know. 9 years ago I also had no idea I would be just a state away from said Towers (or would have been if they were still there). All that ran through my mind today was how I never know what is going to happen next. I don't know if i'm going to be shot or have the best day of my life tomorrow. I don't know what is going to happen, which makes me feel a bit uneasy since I like to know how things are going to go down. I should really keep out of my serious state of mind. I also don't think i'm going to be anytime soon since I was looking up pictures of 9/11 & came across a picture of someone that jumped from the building. When I say 'jumped' I don't mean I saw a picture of him in mid air; a saw a picture of him contact to the ground. Things like that disturb me beyond all belief. I really should stop thinking like this but I can't.

No one really know who I am here, no one knows my over excessive trust issues, no one knows that I check my closet every night because I think a killer is hiding there(I actually just had Maine come check the house out with me because I heard a noise), no one knows what state of mind I am in & no one absolutely knows what I've been through since February. Everyday I look in the mirror & see a different person for each day of the week. It bothers me.

Okay, enough about my obviously effed up mind. Tonight we went to the fair. I've never been to one but it's really kool. I pet a cow for the first time, I can now die a happy women. I don't really like being out in public where people are constantly saying nasty comments, staring or just right down ignorant. Sometimes I don't understand the human condition, nor would I if they act like this.

Not much has happened today that is worth writing about except for Alaska, Maine & my serious conversation out on the deck about 'love'. Also, the only think I can think of that was remotely interesting actually happened a couple hours after my last post from yesterday. I was pissed, as you could have obviously told, by what happened yesterday so I went out long boarding. I went down a steep hill that made me go at least 20 mph on the board which caused me to get mad speed wobbles. I saw a 'busy' (it's not as busy as Chicago streets) ahead & knew I was in trouble, so I just hoped that there were no cars that were going to hit me. Thank God there wasn't but there was gravel & a lot of it. I knew I was going to fall so I kind of just threw myself off the board to try & land in some grass but I slammed into an apartment building instead. I laid there in the grass for a while only when my ear caught a black lady sitting on the porch to say "Oh shit. Girrrrrrrl, is you okay?" I said, "Yes, i'm fine. Happens all the time." Which it doesn't but I just didn't want to worry her. So, I got back up & boarded home. Scraped knee, road rash arm & some bruises but i'm fine, sore as hell today though.

Not much to say tonight, sorry. My mind is somewhere else.

Day 13: Big ball of awkward, self richeousness with a wapping punch of ego.

Ignorance is bliss...but in this case it's name is Clay Patrick McBride.

Patrick McBride was our guest speaker today at school. I might want to inform you now that is my all time FAVORITE photographer. He is one of the people that got me into photography. He was very well spoken & his stage presence was amazing...keep that in mind, 'stage presence'. His art work was also to die for but I already knew that since I've been diggin' his work since I was 15. He talked for about 3 hours since his time went longer than it should have, but who cares; he's an amazing artist! The whole 3 hours I was listening to him speak was also about the time when my stomach flipped by the thought of me possibly growing a pair & talking to him afterwards.

In the time it took him to finish talking I did, in fact, grow a pair. I walked up on stage to meet him & of course there were a swarm of my class mates asking for picture & complimenting him. I waited patiently for my turn since I wanted to have an actual conversation with him. I wanted to tell him how much his work meant to me. I want to tell him about how when I came to Hallmark I was going to water down my photography to be more pleasing to the eye rather than the peculiar, not so sociably acceptable photography that I usually do but then he showed me that it's okay to be different & that my (as my mom calls it) freakish art work will catch the eyes of people who actually matter. All was not lost during his lecture by the way; I got 3 new ideas for a photo shoot from it. Anyways, I did meet him & get a hug but he was a big ball of awkward, self richeousness with a wapping punch of ego. He is worse than Alaska is when ever the subject of sex comes up. I also got picture with him which was nice, i'm not going to lie. He barley gave me so much as a sideways glance so I said good-bye & thank you then left.

We walked out to Maine's car but as soon as I sat down I remembered that I forgot to scan out. So, I bolted back inside where I ran back into Massachusetts. I told him about how I wanted to talk to him but I didn't get the chance to since there were so many other people. He convinced me to go talk to him so I said 'okay'. I walked over to the stage where we was talking to some guy (surprise, surprise). When he saw me walking towards him I waved & he smiled, might I also throw in there that he has by far the best smile. I then kind heartedly asked him if I could talk to him after he was done talking with the dudes, he said yes just to meet him out in the lobby. So I leaned up against the lobby wall & waited. I waited a good 20 mins for him to walk a whole 30 steps to where I was. He was (of course) walking & talking with another guy. When I saw him & shot him a sarcastic wave that said 'hurry the hell up you jerk'. But he lingered over to the restrooms & then to get coffee. FINALLY, he walked in my direction with the same guy from before. I thought the guy was just walking with him so I started to walk too. I started to talk, saying "Hey, so I wanted to..." no more than 2 seconds after I started to talk he chimed in saying "uhh, yeah 2 seconds. I'm in a conversation here but I'll be back in after my smoke." then under his breather I heard him whisper ''...Jesus...". My reply was "Kay". Texting or not the latter 'K' is everyones most hated letter. I then proceeded to walk outside where it was to look like I was following him but when he went left, I made a sharp right. I saw him look back at me from the corner of my eye but I just kept on walking. I got to Abi's car & we drove off. He wasn't the person I spent the last 3 hours listening to, not the person I spent the last 5 years looking up to. It was all stage presence.

He was the one that inspired me from the beginning & still is, but for totally different reasons. When I was 15 I wanted to BE like him. Now at 20, I want to be anyone BUT him.

Day 12: Hope is an understatement.

Not too much went on today. This entry is going to be slightly less fun to read than any of the others but I guess i'll tell you what my day consisted of at least.

Went to school (of course). We had another photographer come talk to us. Her name is Gina LeVay. She was much, much more interesting thank Professor McCocky-son-of-a-bitch. She was modest but subtle. She told you what was up without sounding arrogant or vicious. She's also from Chicago like my professor is(...hmm, maybe it's a sign that i'll be a great photographer...) She did this amazing shoot called the Sandhogs Project. I seriously suggest checking it out. It totally blew my mind & made me realize how big of a deal art really is.

We also went to our school's gallery tonight. The creeper of a school photographer took more pictures of me today so i'll get to be all embarrassed like I was today.

I'm hitting the hay early tonight. After falling asleep on the chair while watching 'Ice Age' with Maine, Massachusetts' & Kansas...well, I think I can take a hint that i'm overly tired.

<---Sandhogs Project

<---Gina LeVey

Day 11: This is where it begins.

First day of school, FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL! We finally started school! I can promise you, it wasn't what I expected but hell, it's only the first day. My ID picture is horride, something else I can also promise you. We had very well known photographer come give us a speech today. His name is Gregory Heisler; he works for TIME magazine. He is also one of my professors. He has a sense of humor but seems entirely too cocky for his own good. I guess he has a right to be though. It was just annoying hear him talk about himself for 2 hours & keep us a hour & 10 mins after just so he can talk about himself some more.

I've met some kids from school already & they are nice for the most part but we of course have to have an annoying little shit that is an attention whore like none other. I'm not too interested in anyone which I guess is a good thing since I can focus on my work rather than trying to make friends. I'm here for art, i'm here to get my life started not to make friends with everyone. I'll be nice & friendly but i'm not going to make making friends my number one priority. I'm here for a reason. 1400 kids applied for Hallmark; 428 got accepted; 144 remain. If I wasn't meant to be here then I wouldn't have been sitting in those lecture hall seats today.

Other than school being absolutely tiring & having to listen to our speaker/professor gloat about his glory years; today was good. Although I did find out that Alaska isn't really Alaskan...he's just a cookie cut Alaskan...he moved to Alaska in first grade...

Also, I miss my Polaroid camera...& my dog.

<---That's my professor. Bask in his glory, or he will find you...no but seriously he's awesome.

Day 10: 'You've jumped in the deep end...'

My mom made a good point today. She said that 'this whole moving away for college is you jumping in the deep end of the pool'. My only reply was 'but I've got my floaties on.'

Tension is still here from what went down yesterday but then again it's only been one day. It seriously upset me with what happened yesterday. I moved away to get away from all that fighting & crap. I thought that this would be the best decision I have ever made, a place for me to start over but it's honestly not looking any different from what was happening in Chicago. The only difference is that I can't walk over to my mom & hug her...well, I could but by the time I got there, I wouldn't have cared anymore. Yesterday, I wanted to scream & punch the damn wall because I was so frustrated. I'm pissed that not one thing, not ONE could go my damn way for ONCE. All in all though I think I kept my kool for my room mates' sake. I didn't scream, I didn't cry & didn't punch the wall because I knew I would have seemed weak but Maine & Kansas will probably figure it out since they read my blog religiously.

This is all different for me. If i'm upset I can't talk to anyone because I don't trust anyone but the few that are 15 hours away from me. I can't talk on the phone to them either since I'm like a damn prisoner in my own house since the walls are paper thin & I have to watch what I say. I can't even go for a freakin run when I need to blow off steam without being harassed by a gangster wanna-be for a cigarette. I'm from Chicago, man, I've seen freaking ghetto; YOU'RE NOT GHETTO!! Little effers.

Besides all the crap that lingered from yesterday onto today, it was actually quiet today. We didn't do much but have breakfast at Louisiana & Virginia's. It was really sweet of them to do that. In return I'm making them spaghetti, i'm pretty sure their mouths are going to explode from all the deliciousness.

Tomorrow is the first day of school...WOOT! But the damn dry erase board still refuses to home on our fridge...bastard.

Day 9: *whistles, bomb drop*

Oh wow, today was a hoot or at least it started off as one. We had a cook out type thing since it was Labor Day. It was fun & very delicious. After dinner Florida & I went long boarding. Alaska & Louisiana tried it out for the first time today also. They were rather good for being first timers. Maine was chicken shit though. They all of course got a ton of photographs since we are all photographers I think it was their job to swarm like vultures. Florida & I both decided it was a good idea to sit on the long board & ride down on the steepest hill near our house. It was all fun until we got speed wobble & had to run our shoes against the cement to stop before we ate major dirt.

Later that night, Louisiana, Florida, Pennsylvania & Virginia went out to a bar since they are all of age. So, us kids that weren't of age stayed behind & made our own fun. Most of our time was spent pissing off the neighbors but we eventually ended up walking to the park & having a straight up bull/vent session while watching the stars. Apparently, Alaska is due for twins...he's a guy...good luck with that. We were cut short when we heard some shuffling in the woods & saw someone start walking towards us from behind a tree. Probably just some hippie tripping on LSD thinking we were all saviors of the Earth.

Things got a little out of hand then. My room mates got into their first big fight. There was yelling, cussing & flailing arms. I'm not going to get into detail about what went down but it was vicious. There was no blood & no one went to jail though, YAY! I tried my best to help solve the problem we had & in the end I think it all got somewhat settled. I guess we can just wait & see what is in store for tomorrow.

Tomorrow Louisiana & Virginia are cooking us 'ya'll' breakfast. I can't wait till I taste what 'tomato gravy' is like...sounds nasty.

The damn dry erase board won't stick to the fridge either...this is getting rather frustrating.

Day 8: Virginia with a splash of New Hampshire.

It's been a week since I've been here but it feels like I've been here for a year. The people I have met & hung out with everyday this week seem like I knew them forever; it's only really been a week though.

Maine is finally back home! The room mates & I totally missed her. It was so weird not having her around the house. We surprised her when she came back home, though I don't think you could call it a 'surprise' since she was 45 minutes early but, anyways, we baked her cupcakes, brownies & perogies.

I met a new person today. His name is Rick & he's from Virginia. He went to Virginia Tech & was a freshmen, I believe, when that whole Virginia Tech shooting happened. He's a very kind fella. He seemed to take an interest in my 'accent'. I met him today while we planned Maine the 'surprise' welcome home party since he was the one checking on the goods while they baked which earned him the name of 'Betty Crocker' which turned into 'Betty Duncan'. He's also Louisiana's room mate so I'm sure we will be seeing a lot of him.

It seems out of our whole group of people, no one really acts like themselves until the sun is down. We are all pretty awkward & just sit around barley saying anything to one another which ends up with me turning on my Ipod to break some of the silence. I'm sure with due time this 'awkwardness' will subside.

This night, however, was very fun. Almost as fun as last night but without the frustration of walking around in salt water air with a shirt for 12 hours. We ventured to yet another state. New Hampshire this time. We went there to get fire works for tomorrow since it is Labor Day but I don't think I'll light off more than a sparkler since I don't dig fireworks that much. I don't like loud noises at all. We are planning to BBQ tomorrow too but being a vegetarian of 8 years, well....I still love freakin BBQs!

My room mates & I had our first dinner together as our little 'family'. It was mac & cheese with Black Eyed Peas (don't ask me how that got on my Pandora) playing in the background. We laughed a lot & for the whole dinner I didn't think about the things that are bothering me. Apparently we were laughing so hard that Massachusetts heard us from outside downstairs right before he came on up. It was nice to forget things, even if it was for only 15 minutes

We all also went bowling tonight & it was fun except for having to be one two separate teams which kind of isolated us from the others. We were supposed to the drive-in movie theater since today was the last day till Spring that they were showing anything but Maine, Kansas, Pennsylvania, Alaska & I decided that sitting in a truck bed for 2 hours while it was 40C out wasn't the best idea so we just came home. We tried to convince Kris to sleep over since we didn't want him driving all the way back to his place since he was tired but he turned down out offer. So we made him sign a contract that stated he would sleep over before school ends or else we will have to partake in ball busting & punches in the neck.

Louisiana also found out how to sled without any snow.

Day 7: FINALLY!

FINALLY! Yes, I finally touched a damn ocean. Instinctively I tasted it too. I like it but I still prefect sugar over salt.

I don't know where to begin. Today was one of my better days though my alarm clock failing to wake me up by 7:30am could have had you fooled. I didn't go to sleep till 5:30am & had to wake up at 7:00am but Mr. M-effin clock didn't go off, so I didn't get to put my face on, do my hur or eat me a champions breakfast. Within 10 mins I was ready for the day...that just shouldn't be legal. Massachusetts, Alaska, Florida, Louisiana, Kansas & Pennsylvania & my self jumped into the car & headed to Rhode Island. It took 3 hours but didn't feel it at all. We made our way through a path that took out to a ledge of various sized rocks. Splashing up against said rocks was the ocean, the big, violent yet peaceful ocean. I was nothing compared to this thing. Alright, back to the anxiousness. How the hell do I get down there? I'm on a damn cliff. We then walked along the ocean shore. My shoes got terribly wet from the tide coming up but that was okay, I was just happy though wet shoes are insanely uncomfortable to walk in so I kicked off my Blowfish ankle high boots & walked in the salty Atlantic ocean water with my floral fish net stockings get soaked. After not much contemplation I decided to taste the water. I dipped my finger in & tasted the salty yet refreshing ocean water. It tasted like an overly salted pretzel. There were these goofy little birds that would run towards the water then run away when the tide picked up...yes...run, not fly, run. I tried to catch one but I was very unsuccessful. Oh, by the way, we looked like total tourists since we all dressed like we just hopped off the plane from England. we got a lot of stares but it was nice that people noticed our awesome style.

After our stroll on the ocean shore we walked around & checked out the sail boats. We came across this fish market & I contemplated whether or not to set all the lobsters free but before I could act on my decision my friend were calling me to 'come on'. I lagged behind them just a tad so I could walk by myself & enjoy everything. I then ran into a man. He had shaggy, brown hair & was smoking a cigarette. He was also very tall & had a smile to DIE for. I told him that I loved his TOMS & told him that I was going to wear mine today but it would have totally not went with my outfit. He laughed & we shot the breeze for a few minutes but as he took the last drag of his cigarette he introduced himself as, coincidently, Tom. Before we parted I asked him where he was from & he said Aussie. I can tell he wasn't bullshitting me since he called it 'aussie'. He was a nice man & I thought about asking him for his number but that long distance would be ridiculous.

After my encounter with my first Australian, we decided to take a stroll over to the mansions. We ended up taking a tour of the Vanderbilt Mansion. This place was freaking huge! Words can't even describe it. My favorite part was the porch out back that over looked the ocean. There was a breeze brushing every limb of mine as my arms dangled over the edge. I'm not going to lie, I pretended like I lived there & all these people were my friends, we were having a big party but reality kicked back fast when I heard Asians talking & realized I don't have any Asian friends...I should probably make some.

On our way back to the car we stopped for Starbucks for the second time today. We sat out on the lawn under a tree. We were approached by these guys who meant no harm but asked if any of us were interested in helping them out with a video for YouTube. Instantly, everyone looked at me. I was very hesitant at first but in the end I helped them out with a stupid parody of a Justing Bieber music video. It was awkward as hell but it's something i'll never forget.

Today was one everything but dull. I loved every moment of today. To top the night off, it's so cold out I get to close my windows! FINALLY!

Oh, by the way, the owl is sporting the name Stanley

.

DAY 6: The blame game.

It seems like i'm not myself. I can't blame anyone but myself for that. Ever since Kevin did what he did, I haven't been the same. I tried to get back to my 'normal' self as hard as I can but I can never quite get over it yet. To these people out here what I am is 'normal'. They are going to know me as the quiet, boring, unsure girl than I am putting off as. I don't want to act like how I am but it's easier said than done going back to the outgoing, spontaneous, fun, nice girl that I was. I guess when Kevin did what he did, a part of me died but i'm much alive...physically at least; mentally, not so much.

We didn't do much today. I woke up at 2pm & we all just kind of sat around since today for the first time it was actually nice out. "Can this be true? Am I really on Lisa's blog?!" Yes, I said it. IT WAS FREAKIN' GORGEOUS OUT! I sat on the porch reading & sipping on my tea like it was fine wine until Alaska came over. We stood outside for a while waiting for the falsely broadcasted rain. It was supposed to rain but it didn't. It just looked like it was going to rain today but it actually is starting to rain now. Hurricane weather says everyone, so I reckon I should probably push pin everything down (since we have no nails in the house). Anyways, we went to Louisiana's house to met his room mate but he was out with his family. Maybe tomorrow I'll have a paragraph about the new person. Add him to the list of states.

Alaska also ate his first perogie today & it totally blew his mind, just thought I would throw his excitement in there for him since I was just about as excited for him.

One thing I did do today was hang up my owl decal Florida gave me. She rocks. Florida not the owl because i'm pretty sure it's a boy owl, but he rocks too. I still haven't found a name to sport him with though.

Tomorrow is the big day. I touch the ocean for the first time in 20 years. Hoorah! Apparently i'm deprived because of ^^ that fact. Maybe for a few mins my old self will come back tomorrow when I finally touch the ocean water and finally realize how small my problems really are.

DAY 5: Living the college kid dream.

I wish I had money. I wish I had money so I could at least enjoy myself before I become a crazy fool with school but my most recent craptastic job back in Chicago was, well...craptastic. Working one day a week for 5-7 hours paid $5.00 per hour is not nearly enough. My mom was kind enough to give me $70.00 before she left me but let's be honest, $70.00 is not enough to live off of for a whole month. The gesture was very nice though.

Since we are on the subject of crap; I went to Massachusetts's house & later that night we all went to Louisiana's house...my house IS the fine definition of crap compared to their houses, but it's my house none the less (& my room mates of course). I love our weirdly faulty hallway light, our water damaged hard wood floors (thank you previous party-ers) & I love the stupidly hot balls of Satan that inhabits our sleeping quarters as soon as the sun peaks over the horizon.

God I can't wait till Autumn.

Cape Cod is coming up on Saturday & I'm rather psyched about FINALLY dippin' my footsies in some ocean water. I'm also going to see surfers for the first time. I do wish I had my long board here though.

DAY 4: Welcome to Orlando, Florida.

There are cuts on my legs, my hair is a mess & my make up is anything but where it supposed to be...

Alright gutter minds. That ^^ is what I look like after a full day of photo shooting, adventuring, meeting yet another new person to add to our clan & just an average night on the town. I have yet to take any photographs, which is odd but it's all due to a misconception of batter power.

Let's chat about this new gal I met today, shall we? Kourtney is her name & she's from Orlando, Florida. She's really nice & I liked her from the beginning. I felt like I knew her all my life. I went to go add her on Facebook & to my surprise, we were already friends. So, technically we were friends for a while but only on Facebook & since everyone thinks Facebook is official, I guess so was our friendship but since Facebook is not so official as everyone thinks...well...our friendship is official after today, I guess. Anyways, she likes owls like I do & is also vegetarian of 8 years like me too. I'm sure you guys will be hearing a lot about her. Oh, did I mention she's got radical tattoos? No? Well, she's got radical tattoos!!

Back to today..

Today, Alaska, Massachusetts, Massachusetts' roommate, Louisiana, Pennsylvania & I went to this place called Friendly's. It's a wicked good ice cream type shindig. Alaska & I were de-virginized from our Friendly's experience, which ended up me stealing a spoon that was as long as boofoo, that was quickly renamed the 'Moochin Spoon'.

Today was very fun but of course hot like it has been which caused my perfectly straightened hair to curl right on back up, my make up to have a marathon on my face & frustrating stomping though the woods to cause my legs to get all sorts of scratched. But I honestly think these kids could care less if I threw on my glasses, wore no make up & my hair was thrown up in a perpendicular fashion to the ceiling.