Day 213-220: This is the end of what I thought was the beginning.

Things happened since the last time a posted. Things that changed me.

I will never be the same person again. All I can do is try & get over it. Part of me just wants to die, but I know that's not the way out of it. Alaska, Massachusetts & Florida have been there for me, supporting me, being the good friends they are; taking care of me when I felt like I had no one & no reason. That I'm worth more than I think.

I don't think I'll ever get married or have kids. I don't think I will ever fall in love again, but this blog isn't about a break up or something sappy with a happy in between, I promise you. My trust for people has utterly subsided & is no more. I'm in a limbo & I'm stuck.

Some how I feel like it's my fault even though I know it's not. I just want to be left alone for a couple weeks, concentrate on my work for once & take what happened as an opportunity to make my art for what it's worth.

There is this guy, we will call him California since that's where he's from. I look up to him, I really do. He's been through so much & I think he can relate what I went through with him now; kind of. California is probably one of the few men I would now trust in my life. I adore him.

Day 212-216: Everyone should read this one.

It may have taken me a while, but I've come to realize that I'm here for school. Not relationships, not to have fun, not to be lazy, not to get away, not to do anything BUT get the education I paid 70k for & am totally sucking at right now.

People piss me off to be honest. I don't like Massachusetts & the vast amount of cocky S.O.Bs in it. Some that are not even originally from MA so I shouldn't just target MA.

From here on out, I'm not giving a fuck about anything. I never gave a damn about anything really before, but that was a health 'not giving a damn'; like the little things that really don't matter & yet people seem to make a big deal about it. I am straight out not giving a hardy FUCK anymore. I don't swear a lot or at least try not to. I think it's pointless & doesn't make you anymore of a bigger person than you are already or not. But I felt like it was appropriate here.

Just thought I would make it clear to anyone who reads my blog & goes to my school & happens to think I am so much as in a 'bad mood' or 'pissed off' as they see me that I'm not, at all.

I.Just.Don't.Care.

I'm tired of being a nice guy & just being stepped on. Fuck it.

If you read this & feel a bit angry about it or have a little guilty fuzz tickling you on the insides, well it's probably directed towards you. I'm not going to specify who(m) this blog is about, but you can take it as you please.

Also, I'm deleting my Facebook. If you want to read my blog, you'll just have to check it everyday. I plan on posting everyday even if it's a couple of sentences.