Just a proposition.

Just a side note actually. I love getting mail, but the only person that has sent me mail is my Dad & it's usually just money with a sticky note.

I want to get real letters.

Good ol' fashioned letters.

Can everyone send me a lovely letter? I will send one back & I will draw you a picture.

Lisa Shaver

137 3rd St.

Turners Falls, MA 01376

Day 203-211: It feels like the begining

It's been way too long. School has been kicking me in the ass lately.

We have finally reached our year end portfolio. The big cheese of portfolios. How big a cheese you ask? Welp, we have 27 shoots where we can't use students or the same model more than once. Along with that, we have to build a website.

This is going to be rather difficult without a car.

I hate relying on people, I would rather just do things alone & get the help when I need it. I one of those people.

Today I had to call into school because I didn't have a ride, which made me feel like a sap. I was up & ready by 7am. A good hour before school starts, but I had no ride in the end.

I think I may clean my room today, I seem to be a bit depressed & over all bummed. So, maybe cleaning my room will help.

One more thing, feeling a baby in a tummy is by far the most amazing thing. I got to 'meet' my niece this last week during spring break. I also got to see my sister fat for the first time in her life. Pretty kool.

I feel like I just started school not to long ago. I also feel like I didn't accomplish anything worth wild. Nothing spectacular, nothing that would awe anyone nor make them proud. Maybe it will hit me on graduation day. I feel like a slacker.

Day 197-202: It's a girl.

What am I doing here? Seriously.

Sadly today is one of those days where I feel like I don't have a passion anymore. I'm confused & lost for the first time this year. I don't know what I want nor how to obtain it. When people give me positive reinforcement it's nothing but a jumble of letters that circle my head. None of it means anything to me. I wish it did, I wish I could believe what people tell me, but I've learned over that past year that no one can be trusted even with words meant to be kind.

It's upsetting not having anyone here who understands you. They might think they do, but when it comes down to it, they only understand you as much as you want them to.

I miss my mom & my sisters, but not their judgement.

This winter needs to go away, it's depressing the hell out of me. Also, my room mate needs to turn down her music because quite frankly I do not want nor care 'how low you go' or 'how to crank that soulja boy'.

At least I still have a sense of humor.

It's been a while since I've posted one of my own photographs, so here you go.

Oh, by the way. Remember that 'big news' I talked about in one of my older posts, but didn't specify? Well, I'm going to be an aunt, I will also be having a niece. It's not as excited to other people, but the way it came about was surprising defiantly since we aren't the 'type of family that does that before marriage'. I'm excited nonetheless.

Day 194-196: Say what you want

I'm pale.

I have blue baby-doll eyes.

I stand no taller than a tall midget.

I'm 'pleasantly plump'.

I love myself.

But I'm modest.

I will never go tanning. I don't waste my summer days wasting my time leathering my skin.

I love my eye color. I love the dark blue rim on the outside, the yellow specs in the middle & the light blue that sits so comfortably in the middle.

I am short, but there is nothing I can do about it. Would I like to be taller? Sure. But i'm fine where I am. The weather is nicer down here anyways.

I am not stick skinny. That's fine. I've got the curves that any women would pay a plastic surgeon to artificially stuff them with. Before anorexic & fake boobs, there was this thing called 'beauty'. We all have it.

I love who I am. Looks get the attention, but the personality gets the heart. I'm beautiful on the outside & also beautiful on the inside.

Call me cocky, narcissistic &/or arrogant. Quite frankly, my dear, I do not give a fuck.

Just needed to get that off my chest, to clarify that I am who I am & I love it. Since people like to say rude things behind my back & think I won't find out. Whatever you say DOES NOT hurt me; so stop wasting your time.

Day 189-193: I miss them

I miss my family.

I miss seeing them everyday.

I miss how Saturday was always pizza night.

I miss the awkward yet funny dinner conversations.

I miss hugging my mom.

I miss hanging out with my sisters.

I miss getting shit from my mom & having my dad back me up.

I miss getting good night kisses.

I miss watching stupid TV shows with them.

I miss not having to worry.